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I didn’t encourage him to move in with me

Dear Bunmi,

I am a divorced mother of two children. Three years ago, I met a man through work and he later told me he was unhappy in his marriage. We started an affair and he became happier and fun to be with. He also contributed a lot towards the upkeep of the house.

Towards the end of last year, he had an almighty row with his wife and came to stay with me. It was supposed to be until he sorted things out with his wife. But now he doesn’t want to go back to his wife and wants to get a divorce so he could be with me. I never asked him to leave his wife and I’m not sure I want a permanent relationship for now. As things are now, I’m being accused of being a marriage wrecker, as if it’s all my fault. Is it too late to tell him to go back to his wife?

Bella, by e-mail.


Dear Bella,

The longer your lover stays with you the more difficult it would be for him to

go back to his wife. After being away for so long from his matrimonial home, his

wife could have moved on and might be enjoying her freedom. Things might be

different if he’d only been gone a month or two. They might be able to patch things up.

And don’t kid yourself that you’re blameless – you’ve played your part in the

break-up of a family. You can’t turn back time, but if you end things now, your lover might be able to savage something of his marriage.


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