Breaking News

Naughty Tips To Whip Your Man Into Shape

AFTER a couple of kids, it used to be understandable that a woman let herself go because she’d packed on some flab from nurturing her kids.

In the last few decades though, quite a lot of women are fighting tooth and nail to gain control of their weight. They look and feel good. They are happy. But can the same be said for their husbands? Now take a look at the man in your life. If only he could take more care of himself, couldn’t he see how your marriage has gone off the boil? That his belly blubber is the reason? All he does most evenings, when he is home, is sit in front of the telly with snacks and his favourite tipple balanced on his massive tummy!

Shapeless man

A few of us ‘girls’ recently decided to have a look-in at a younger friend’s house-warming party. The site of younger men with their rippling muscles did send shivers down our spine. There they were, tight-arsed and flirty.

It was such wicked fun seeing the men in the older women’s eyes. Ropo, a ravishing beautician who is in her 40s made a beeline for Olumide who’d just landed a juicy contract and was game for anything to help him celebrate.

By the end of the evenings, they were all over each other.

I was happy for Ropo, she’d complained over the years that her husband had taken his passion for pounded yam to a dangerous level. “He doesn’t care about his health,” she used to moan. “He brags he’s a typical native man and must have pounded yam with all its accompaniments every day of the week! The first question I asked any house help is if he could pound yam. Some had stayed the period, a few had complained and left!

“Now, after almost 20 years of marriage, he’s turned into a slob of a husband.

Whereas he’d been a slim, trim hunk when I’d said ‘I do” to him all those years ago.” So, whilst Ropo had become a health fanatic, husband kept on his pounded yam binges- only the portions kept on growing bigger and bigger. Was it any wonder Ropo was now seriously attracted to Olumide’s lithe figure, with those pelvis now grinding into hers most effectively? What followed was inevitable. Mide and Ropo began a torrid affair that hubby didn’t suspect went on – as long as he had his gluttonous meals, burping offensively at the end of each food.

Only, the unimaginable happened. Muyideen, Rope’s husband suddenly decided he would want to join his wife at the gym! “I couldn’t believe what 1 heard”, Ropo said. “Had Muyi cottoned on to my affair? 1 didn’t think so and 1 realised he was a bit sheepish as he admitted to being over weight and could do with losing a few pounds for ‘health reasons’. He has a very competitive job and the young managers in his office must have made him take a good look at himself.

“I was very happy with his decision. We have four healthy children and the two eldest were already savouring most of their dad’s delicacy – a dangerous precedent. From then on, it was wholesome food packed with fruits and vegetables. I didn’t completely throw out pounded yam – he had it twice a week. Which made it worth looking forward to. And he had  smaller portions. “As I concentrated on slimming down my man, I realized my marriage was having a boost too. Muyi’s weight gradually reduced but it wasn’t easy. He groaned at some of the healthy meals I served but he ate them. At the gym, his flabby face fell as he puffed and panted. He was only happy when his waist-band reduced.

“As he got healthier, he got back his sense of humour and our love-life improved. It was then I started questioning my motive in plunging into my affair with Mide when all I’d needed to do was put some efforts into my marriage. I wasn’t really the unfaithful type – just frustrated. I got irritated as Mide harassed me into going out on more’ dates’ with him. I had to lie to him that someone had snitched to Muyi about our affair – that we should cool things a bit. With his physique and wealth, he would have no problem finding replacements …

“Now my marriage is back on track and Muyi is a hunk all over again – the children are even healthier! Once in a while, I worry that someone might squeal to Muyi about my affair; that would really kill him.”

I quickly assure her not to even give it a thought. Affairs are so common – place that no one would worry their pretty heads about squealing to her husband. This is for you readers who’ re trying to put more umphs into your love-life. Like I’ve always stressed, you get rewarded when you put in more efforts working at what turns your partner on.

According to popular findings, it would be in a man’s favour to clean-so shave! Beard stubble feels like sandpaper. Don’t pinch your lover’s nipples as most women simply don’t like it – a lot of men erroneously believe they do! When a woman says ‘that’s it’, she means just that. She doesn’t mean do it harder!

So follow her lead – women often touch where they want to be touched.

The pressure she uses indicates how firm or light she’d like your touch to be. Don’t forget to slow it down-teasing is very sexy!

It is not all down to the men though. Women should learn to be patient and not go to the action spot, flirt-make him wait! This will turn him on even more. Once in a while, consider asking him if he’d like to watch you because men are visual creatures. Sucking on a mint before pleasuring him provides a tingling sensation many men love. It’s a fact that most men love being touched more firmly than women, so a little bit of scratching in a wavy motion around important bits could help. Lastly, why not trim his pubes from time to time as part of foreplay?!


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.