By Bunmi Sofola

BENNY, a 46-year-old mother of four was relaxing one serene Sunday morning engrossed in her favourite Sunday newspaper when she turned the pages and saw it. An ‘extensive interview with her “husband,” the father of all her children. Her heart pounding, she skipped through the interview, anxious to find out how he tackled questions about his family. “How many children do you have?” the interviewer had asked, “Three lovely boys,” was her husband’s answer. He then proceeded to mention their names, their ages and a glowing account of the wonderful contribution his wife has made to his life and career in the 30 odd years they’d been married.

Benny burnt with anger and the embarrassing humiliation of his denial of her children. She mentally envisaged her friends reading the same interview and probably sniggering at her humiliation. What kind of a spineless man has she saddled herself with? Yet, she had the world at her feel when she met him. She was a fresh graduate who’d done her youth service in his office. He was a renowned achiever who immediately swept her off her feet. Expensive meals and fancy nights-out in swanky hotel rooms followed—and he generously paid for holidays in places she’d once read about.

When Benny discovered she was pregnant just after her service year, she wanted an abortion and was sure her man would agree. She already had a fiance’Iined up. In fact, they worked in the same office courtesy of her fiance’s dad.

“But Yemi, my husband, absolutely refused for me to have an abortion,” Benny continued, “I was surprised. He’d never fed me any derogatory stories about his wife. But he wanted’ our’ baby as he put it, and immediately asked me to move into one of his vacant apartments. We had a native and customs’ marriage ceremony, and that was it, I was a married woman! He was overjoyed when the baby was a girl and her naming ceremony was done with most of his relatives present. Over the years, I’ve had three more children two girls and a boy.

“He is also a marvellous provider but I have since removed the rose-coloured glasses I wore when we first met. The wife knows of me and my children, but has bluntly refused to acknowledge my existence. Nor the existence of two other women he’d since had children with after me. When I first became aware of his other women, who he’d discretely hidden from me, I played the detective. Most of the children looked like him—his genes are that strong. I won’t bore you with the humiliating methods I used to trace the other kids, but they were his kids all right—no doubt about it.

“When I finally confronted him, he didn’t deny it. It was then he told me that all his children would never want for anything, that it was a good thing I was a successful woman in my own right. What was more, I should consider the house we live in as my children’s. If any of us, three ‘wives’ entertained any idea of being publicly acknowledged and which might lead to his embarrassment, we should forget it. He was a public figure, and no woman would pull him down. I was thoroughly disillusioned after the out-burst. Is he the only public figure with more than one wife? My children are now in their teens and could read the newspapers. How on earth was I to explain this type of humiliation to them? I quickly hid the papers so

none of them would read the interview but naturally, one of my first daughter’s friends had happily brought a copy to show her in school the next day, in case she hadn’t seen it.

“But my daughter didn’t feel as embarrassed as I thought she would be. Apparently, her school also has its share of children like her, and they discuss things like that in the school all of the time. She told me to ignore her father, that though he was a good provider, she never really liked his wife. That on rare occasions the children had visited, she always regarded them like a bad smell. I’d protested about such visits in the past, but Yemi had insisted. One would have thought he would at least publicly acknowledge his children—but there he was, admitting to having only three children when he has at

least eleven.” Gani’s father, an industrialist, was in his late 80s when he died. He’d always been the right hand man of their town’s ruler and it was only fitting that he was taken home for his final rest. The five children spared no expense at the funeral, after all, their departed father not only left millions, he’d made sure there would be ready cash for his

funeral before the Will was read.

“Because of the anticipated crowd from Lagos and Ibadan alone,” Gani said, “we decided to have the funeral reception in a school compound, and we really made a carnival of it.

Most of our dad’s close relations had their own canopies and there was this one almost as huge as the one we had. Much later, it became obvious that the group under the canopy wasn’t particularly friendly but we just ignored them as they weren’t people we readily recognised. Apart from a sophisticated band from Lagos, we had a local one too for the benefit of the locals. As soon as it was the local band’s turn to entertain, three guests from the big canopy—a man and two women, wearing the same lace material— danced arrogantly towards the dance floor. The band leader started singling their praisesand sympathising with them on the loss of their father. In seconds, their guests had stormed the dance floor, spraying like mad. Curiously, some of us went near the dance floor and were virtually elbowed out of the place. I was annoyed. We’d paid for the entertainers and had the right to control them. So I stopped the band.

“ The place was agog with gossip. It was then we learnt that the three ‘mourners’  were my dad’s children by a woman who lived locally. In fact, the mighty house they lived in was dad’s and before he died, he had ‘settled’ their side of the family so

there wouldn’t be any confusion when he was eventually buried. The next day, I went to see the village head and he confirmed what we were told.

“That for reasons best known to my father, he had decided to keep his other family secret because he’d once recklessly promised mum, he wouldn’t marry a second wife. He confirmed that the three children had already been provided for financially. That they showed up at the funeral was because they wanted to say goodbye to their father and

probably make their presence felt as rightful children of the deceased.

“Iwas a bit confused. We had a half-brother and sisters that we have just discovered, who were very hostile to us. When I eventually broached the subject of reconciliation with our mother and my other siblings, they were against it; they said I should leave things as dad intended them to be. Why take on responsibilities that were never ours in the first place? If an olive branch were to be offered, it should be from the secret’ family.’

I guess I felt some sort of sympathy for my half-siblings because I remarried after my divorce and have two children by my second husband. He was already married with children when I met him, yet he was man enough to introduced me to his wife. She might not like who I represent, but she knows of the children too. If a woman is good enough for you to have children with, she should be good enough for her and her children to be publicly acknowledged. It is a spineless man that hides his offspring because of a society that doesn’t give a hoot about what you do”.

Why women are naturally promiscuous!

What do women who relish hopping from one bed to the other have in common?

They all enjoy the company of men and know how to get it too! They see a man they fancy and they go for him, with no messing around. But they’re not after lasting relationship—just the sex. Ladies like these often get a reputation. But experts now believe that, far from being abnormal or out of control, they are doing what nature intended!

It’s women, not men who are naturally promiscuous, the new research suggests. But unlike the obviously promiscuous ones, most of us have been keeping our urges under control. Or have we? In a recent UK survey, 100 women were questioned about their sexual behaviour. More than two-thirds admitted they’d had one-night stands at least once, and more than half had cheated on their men. Despite this kind of evidence,we’ve all come to accept the notion that men who play around simply can’t help it; that they’re biologically programmed in some way to be unfaithful.

It’s an excuse men have been using for years. Ever since the days of Casanova, serial philanderers have been explaining away their behaviour by saying that it’s part of their nature to make conquest after conquest. Scientists have always believed males were eager to mate with as many partners as possible because, they’d have more chances of reproducing.

The female, on the other hand, needed just one good male to reproduce successfully—so she was choosy, saving herself for the strongest suitor. This explained why men liked to sleep around and women stayed faithful—and the notion of the ardent male and coy female was born. But that idea has now been turned on its head. Women who go for variety may be doing what comes naturally.

Researchers have uncovered many examples in both the animal world and in human societies where the female is a sexual go-getter.