Dear Bunmi,

I have been dating my boyfriend for a few years now, but at a recent party, his dad tried to kiss me after giving me a playful smack on the bum. We’d all had too much to drink but I told my boyfriend about it right away. In the morning, I didn’t make an issue of it as it looked as if both father and son had forgotten all about the incident.

Thinking it was a one-off, I put it all behind me, but some time later, he made another pass at me. This time, we were both sober and I was indignant. He apologised and promised it would never happen again. I was aghast by his behaviour, to say the least. I know I should have mentioned it to my boyfriend, but I was too shocked to think straight. How should I handle this?

Uju, by e-mail

DearUju,

Honesty might be the best policy but I don’t believe it applies here. Telling your boyfriend now would achieve nothing. He’s bound to be terribly hurt, adding to a full-scale warfare within the family. Father vs son. Husband vs wife. Even boyfriend vs girlfriend.

It must be horrible trying to fend off the advances of a drunken old leech and, even though you should alert your boyfriend again that his dad is not to be trusted, the fact that he did nothing the first time should be a restraint.

For now, you should keep quiet if your boyfriend’s dad can keep his promise. If he can’t, you have to do something, either to him or your boyfriend.

Then again, if you teIl your boyfriend that his dad has been trying to kiss you and see between you and his dad, whom he will believe. No son likes to doubt his father. You need to confide in someone you know you can trust. Getting it off your chest might help you put it behind you and move on. Don’t forget, however, to give this old git a final warning. Tell him if he does it again, you’re going to tell his son and wife.