By Bunmi Sofola

My friends are bent on giving me a bad name. Just because I’ve written this column for decades, they believe anyone who is barmy enough to tell me a ‘secret’ hoping I could keep it is madder than a hatter! Only a couple of months back, I had a visitor in my office.

“My goodness, did I have a rough night?” he moaned. You would notice I didn’t ask him anything. And who wouldn’t ask the question I asked next. What happened?

“It is Frank, that crazy friend of mine,” he volunteered. “I hadn’t seen him in the last nine months but he wanted me to go with him to his girlfriend’s house. You know, the one I told you had his baby some three years ago. Apparently, she’s had a second child but Frank hadn’t even set eyes on the new baby and she was almost three months old. He knew he would be thrown out of her flat if he as much as showed his face alone. That was where I came in handy. I was to go and see her whilst he lurked around somewhere and butter her up a bit. As soon as she soft-pedalled, I was to call him.

“At first, I didn’t want anything to do with it. Frank is not the stablest of friends. It is only when he wants any dirty linen laundered that he shows up. This time around, he stayed for hours sending for food and boozed to wear down any resolve that in the end. I went with him to his girlfriend’s house.

“The girl was like a raving lunatic when she saw me. You would think I was the one who hurt her. She cursed, howled and sobbed her heart out. I pacified her the best I could, then went for Frank. He came so subdued you would have thought he was being arraigned before a heartless judge on a trumped up charge of murder. He calmly stood through the poor girl’s tirade until she ran out of things to say before he launched into a cock-and-bull self-defence story. In the end, we saw the baby, made the right noises and promises, then went home. I didn’t get home until around three 0′ clock this morning …” My friend broke his story as his hand flew to cover his mouth, alarm plainly written on his face.

“What have I done telling you all this?” He chided himself. “I know a friend of yours is Frank’s wife’s good friend. Please, don’t let any of this get out. Frank will kill me if his wife finds out.” “Who do you think I am,” I was really indignant, “It is really none of my business if Frank has hundreds of illegitimate kids scattered all over the place. That’s his own business, not mine. The country is full of men who have no control over their pants!”

Two weeks later, my friend was back in my office. “You gave me your word that story wouldn’t get to Frank’s wife,” he accused as soon as he sat down.

I couldn’t quite look him in the eyes as I stammered, “Err … I didn’t really go out of my way to talk to her. One of our friends called me on the phone about Frank being involved with yet another woman. She then talked about this mother-of- two as if she knew all about her. I told her that I not only knew the girl, I knew for a fact that she had a boy and a girl for Frank. She couldn’t say a word for

some seconds. She asked if I was sure and I said I was willing to be a huge sum of money on it. She too gave me her word that Frank’s wife wouldn’t get to hear about it….”

My friend roared with laughter. “You’re really predictable, aren’t you?” He told me: “That night when Frank called at M house, he was worried that he had these children out of wedlock and his wife was none the wiser. He said he would love for his wife to know in case anything happened to him. It was then I told him not to worry. That I knew someone who knew Frank’s wife’s friend. That someone was you. That if you were told the story, it was almost guaranteed that Frank’s wife would be put in the picture. You didn’t disappoint me, thank goodness. Of course, I had to tell you that touching story about Frank not going to see the baby, but it was to put in more spice—for your benefit. Asking you not to tell a juicy story is like waving a red flag at a bull, hoping he won’t charge!”

Talk about giving a dog a bad name! I was still smiling from this incurable gossip tag my friend pinned on me when another one phoned recently. After catching up on current hot gossips, she told me her younger sister just left her husband, I told her I’d heard. She then launched into the version of the split that I heard.

“That’s why I’m phoning,” she cut in frostily.” “My sister told me she was sure you must have heard about her right from the grape-vine and she would appreciate your keeping the lurid details out of the pages of the newspapers … “

In case you discover that Weekend Blues ceases to exist, God forbid bad thing, you readers will know that the concerted efforts of friends to misunderstand my good intentions and term them to be nose-poking have finally taken their toll …. “

So you think resolutions are a waste of time?

Every year, majority of us break the promises we made on January 1. Whether you vowed to turn-around your career for the better, quit smoking or even learn to make your own dress, a group of experts have got this fast plan for

getting you back on track when your resolves melt.

Forgive your inner slacker: You’ve probably had lapses in behaviour since making your list.

Don’t fret: “Backsliding is not a failure,” says Leslie Groene, author of Picture Yourself and the Life You Want. “It’s easy to see what we haven’t accomplished—and to forget the steps we’ve already taken. But, any effort or energy we spend focusing on the negative will only slow us down. Don’t be too fixated on dates either. There’s no difference between starting something on January 1 or March

21. Here are more helpful hints from the author:

Make it easier to succeed: Ask yourself why you broke your resolutions in the first place. Relapses tell you what you failed to account for. Did you fold in the presence of stress or temptations? What could you do differently? When you feel yourself sliding back into old behaviour, try distracting yourself with another healthier activity. Step outside for fresh air or call a friend to talk. Take a walk, spend time with your pets. Watch some comedy on television. Just do something, anything else. Draw a road map: Break lofty goals into manageable steps and your likelihood of success increases—tenfold. If you want to learn to do salsa, for example, you would write down: “Buy salsa shoes. Sign up for salsa class. Take 10 lessons….

“Once you’ve spelled out the details for yourself, you’ll be better able to visualize achieving your goal.

Be your own cheer-leader: Buy a calendar and check off the days you work out, sew, take photos, and have lunch with a mentor or anything that gets you closer to your goal. Hold yourself accountable for further change. Set aside some time, daily or weekly, to review your progress and plan what you will do to move forward.

Leave some wiggle room: Find solutions, not excuses. Can’t afford a vacation in a faraway locale? Shop, dine and dance like a tourist in your hometown. Is work interfering with your vow to increase family time? See if the kids can visit you at the office. Too busy to see friends you’ve sworn to catch up with? Ask them to run errands with you. It’s the end result that matters so don’t sweat the details.

Use daily reminder: If you’d like to get into shape, paste full-length pictures of yourself on the fridge and bathroom mirror. For other resolutions, post phrases or affirmations all over the house. Seeing them every day will strengthen your resolve. Right before going to bed, repeat a mantra to yourself, for example: “I am a non-smoker now and forever” or” I am becoming thinner and thinner,” it’s like putting files into your subconscious. After 30 days, you’ll see yourself this way without even trying.

Get pals involved: Enrol others in your success. Tell them what you’re doing and ask for their assistance. Your friends may be willing to go walking or take dance classes with you. They may also be a great source of moral support. If your resolution is to leave office earlier, for example, your friends could e-mail you something like “if it’s after 6p.m., it’s time to go home.”

Trick yourself: Small changes can reap big rewards. Resolved to walk more? Put sneakers next to the door. Want to save some money? Have it automatically deposited into a savings account every month. Vow to spend more time reading?

Turn off the phone and TV. Build slowly on your successes by adding a new goal every month. You’ll be amazed at how much you accomplish. If you’re trying to eat healthier, start by increasing your water in-take.