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Should I make the first move?

By Aunty Julie

Dear Aunty Julie,

I was really impressed with some of the answers you gave to the questions posed to you. I need an objective third party to help with my situation. I was working for an academic, and I noticed a male student around 26 years old who seems interested in me. Several times, there have been intense eye contact between us and he has stared at me many times. I wonder if I should make the first move of walking up to him.

But if this guy could have enough nerve to stare at a woman like that over a period of several months, I feel that he would have the guts to approach her? Does that mean he didn’t hold a sincere interest in the first place? Should I forget having any interest in him whatsoever?

I am 25 years old.

Henrietta, Port-Harcourt

Dear Henrietta,

It’s possible, like you, he doesn’t feel comfortable taking the first step. Was he also working for the academic? Some folks become more reserved socially in work settings.

Also, I believe a female has as much right and responsibility to initiate or engage in social feedback and even a little flirtation. Clearly, a smile or hello is just fine.

At the same time, I don’t want to overlook his behaviour. Maybe he isn’t sufficiently self-confident; perhaps he feels a bit intimidated. Maybe you both are sensitive to rejection. And, yes, it’s possible staring may have some hostile implications. He might be angry with you because he doesn’t feel worthy of you.



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