By Aunty Julie

My father, who is in his 60s and not well, has always been irresponsible with money. He has been bankrupt twice and I have bailed him out in the past. My parents divorced five years ago after 36 years of marriage, when he ran off with a woman half his age. They married, but are now also divorced. He committed adultery many times while married to my mother. They are still good friends, but she does want him back. He lives comfortably on his pension and disability benefits, squandering his money as soon as he receives it.

He hasn’t made any funeral plans   and rants that we should apply to a charity   to bury him. My sister thinks we should split the funeral cost between us. My mother has no money and also expects me to pay. I am not happy with this. I am reasonably well off but I think my father should start saving towards his funeral. My sister will pay the lot if I don’t, but then I fear I would risk losing my close relationship with her and my mother. Should I share the cost?

Abel, United Kingdom

Dear Abel,

In light of your father’s selfish and irresponsible behaviour, your reluctance to pay for his funeral is understandable. He must have hurt you,your sister and your mother greatly. However, rather than viewing it as helping your father, make the decision based on your future relationship with them. If you don’t share the cost, they will both resent it and it could damage your relationship with them, as you fear. I suggest your family take out a pre-paid funeral plan (usually around £4,000) to reduce the cost, which rises each year. I also suggest that your mother – supported by you and your sister asks your father to contribute rather than squandering his money.