I have this strong feeling that Nigerian men are sex mad. This would have been understandable if they were sex starved. But with all the willing partners at their disposal, most of our men have a problem with their raging libido. A few weeks back, I went to a favourite aunt’s place to find out about the last minute preparation for her first daughter’s wedding. Members of the family were all quite excited about this impending wedding. Not only had Joke managed to land quite an eligible guy just when we thought she might end up on the shelf, she just discovered she was pregnant at 34. An icing on the cake.
My aunt’s enthusiasm was gone when I called on her. She looked glum and enraged. “Sit down dear,” she ordered when I asked her what the matter was. “You’re the only one I can confide in. You know Joke is expected back any day from now?” I nodded. The happy girl had gone to Britain for a few days, not only to shop for her wedding, but to buy a few things for the expected baby. Yomi, her husband, was all alone in the house. “A few days after she left,” my aunt continued her story, “she begged me to check on their dogs in case Yomi failed to take proper care of them.
“Yomi was busy having boozy sessions with his friends, explained my daughter. He’s never been too keen on the dogs anyway.
‘Could you please pop in and see to it they are properly fed?’ she begged.
I assured her I would.
“Later in the evening, I popped the set of keys to their flat that I had into my bag. As I let myself in, the dogs were really restless and if I’d been a stranger, they would have attacked me. I knew where the dog food was. So I let myself in through the kitchen door. I was a bit curious when I glimpsed a pair of stilettos carelessly tossed on the stairs. I resolved to scold Joke when she came back about wearing such high shoes in her condition. I picked up the dog food as I was about to leave I heard thumping noise from upstairs. Could that be burglars? With my heart in my mouth, I tiptoed up the stairs. What if they had a gun? Chanting a favourite psalm, I peered through the bedroom door and got the worst shock of my life. Yomi was in their bed with another woman! Frozen in the doorway, I couldn’t say a word at the site of their naked bodies. Yomi’s face was a mask of guilt and horror. His poor victim had her face to his chest and didn’t see me.
“1 rushed out of the house, hurriedly gave the dogs their food in their kennel and bolted. How I got into the car and drove all the way home is still a mystery. I was in shock and didn’t know how to handle this
nightmare. Should I tell Joke’s dad? I knew he would go raving mad if I told him. Joke has always been his favourite child and he’d jokingly threatened to tear Yomi to pieces if he as much as hurt his ‘little girl: I was still dazed and disillusioned when the bell rang. Yomi stood on the doorstep, looking really contrite. ‘What can you possibly say to explain this betrayal?” I snapped at him, calling him really nasty names and wondering what my daughter was letting herself into by agreeing to marry him.
“When he burst into tears, I had to let him in. He said he really loved Joke and had no intention of hurting her. The girl he was having it off with was an ex who’d sort of seduced him. Humph! He might as well say that to the marines! I told him to spare me details of his pathetic excuses. What did he expect I would do? Tell my daughter and break her heart? A month to the wedding? And with her expecting the rat’s child and my very first grandchild? Eventually, I gave him my word to keep quiet. And to think that this man would soon walk our daughter down the isle and promise to honour and obey her. What is this world turning into?” When she discovered I wasn’t clucking in sympathy, she looked at me curiously. I told her that what she just witnessed happened all of the time. Some grooms-to-be have flings especially on their stag nights and these continue after they wed.
Scarcely enough reason to shout blue murder and call off a well-planned marriage! Quickly, I assured her that what I found really distasteful was Yomi bringing the adventurer to their bed. They must have been really wild with passion not to give being caught a thought. And let’s face it, who would have thought my aunt would be snooping around under the guise of feeding the blasted dogs!
Sitting in church on the day of the wedding and seeing the radiance on Joke’s face, I was glad my aunt never let the cat out of the bag.
Joke’s dad was also in the dark as he proudly walked his ‘baby’ down the aisle. My aunt’s face looked troubled. Earlier, she’d fretted she was still tormented by doubts. Could Yomi be trusted never to betray her daughter again? What if Joke found out and knew her mother knew:
Could she ever forgive her? Was my aunt from another planet? I assured her that as protective as she would want to be of Joke, the poor ‘girl’ is over 30, has friends who’d gone through worse things than their husbands bunking the maid on their matrimonial beds’ and that in years to come, Joke would have more things to worry about than where her husband was dipping his joy stick!