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Husband says he no longer enjoys sex with me after I had our children

Dear Bunmi,

I’m in my mid-thirties, married with four children. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and he’s had affairs in that time. The first was while I was pregnant with our first child and others followed after this.


I always forgive his affairs because I love him so much. He says he loves me and wants the family to stay together, but confesses that since I had our children, he no longer finds me attractive.

Do you think I can rekindle our sex life? Do you see hope for this marriage?

Bimbo, by e-mail.

Dear Bimbo,

Two people, who are in a life-long commitment, always find ways to protect their relationship. By having affairs, however, your husband is taking huge risks with your marriage. He’s also under the disillusionment that many men experience as their image of the sexual female dwindles when their partners have children.

You obviously look to him more like his mother than the girl he married.

Unfortunately, couples who fail to adjust as their bodies change find themselves coping with loss of sexual interest, infidelity, and may lead to divorce.

You need to share your fears and anxiety with your husband and involve a third party that you both respect, if necessary.

He should realise that he too has changed physically and you both must work out ways to put the passion back into your marriage instead of resorting to infidelity.


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