By Yetunde Arebi
For the woman, one of the greatest challenges of her love life remains the inability to hold on to her man. The differences in the physiological and psychological composition of both sexes make this feat an elusive task for her. While the man has been described as largely polygamous in nature due to his flitting emotional and sexual needs, the woman possesses a more tamed emotional and sexual disposition and an ability to be more emotionally stable.
This seeming resilience of the woman makes her a more loyal and dependable partner in matters of the heart, conferring on her the responsibility of providing stability needed to preserve the relationship. However, social analysts and psychologists have been able to ascertain the fact that a man’s need and, what it would take for a woman to hold Mr. A, may not necessarily be effective in pinning down Mr B. Still, the society has tried to tailor our minds by postulating that there are two broad categories of capturing a man’s heart.
One is his stomach while the other is his children. While some believe that a relationship with children is binding and less likely to collapse because of the children, some others are of the view that a woman’s ability to churn out excellent mouth watering dishes from the kitchen is all it takes to make a man putty in a woman’s hand?
Indeed, for the Yorubas and many other societies, this has been an age long debate and many would swear by their position and conviction. But when you juxtapose these positions with happenings in the society, how true is this? Who owns the man? What does it take to keep a man? Can we still narrow this down to food and children? In fact, what makes a good wife? Is it possible for one woman to possess all the super qualities required? Who determines these qualities?
The man or the society? All these and many more questions were put to some respondents. They were supposed to take a position and argue their points. You will be surprised at what they had to say. Regina, (57) a housewife: The woman with the children owns the man. It is not easy to keep a man grounded, there must be something to keep him coming back home. Children in a marriage mean stability and responsibility.
The children are his blood, they are his future because they bear his name. They will bear the torch and family name after he might have departed this world. Children are a sign that God recognises the union of the partners and has blessed them. Even when a man is no longer interested in a woman, he will find it difficult to leave her because of the children.
There is a saying that a relationship with children can never end. The parents will forever remain committed to the children and therefore, committed to each other. Why do you think marriages crash easily? It is those without children that the couple go their different ways. When they have children, there is no way they will not keep coming together. At some points, they have to perform certain duties for the children, they have to take some decisions that they need to consult over.
So, even where the relationship is no more, like, in case they are divorced or separated, the children still bind them together. Finally at the end of it all, even if the man has twenty other women in his life, on his demise, it is the children that will inherit his property. If he has anything to gift his other women, he would have given them while still alive. Even a married woman who has no child for her husband knows that she is just like a girlfriend. People will ask her what she is doing there. Her in-laws most times will not allow her have peace. At times, they drive her out and there is nothing anyone can do. But can anyone drive a child out from his father’s house? Not unless it’s proven that he is a bastard.
(Hmmm! I doubt if this means that the woman has the man’s heart though) Adewale, (45), Banker: The saying that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach says it all. If you are a good cook, and you know what your man wants and can present it well in a way that will make him feel like a king, then you will definitely have his heart.
You see, I believe a man is the easiest to please of all God’s creatures. He will keep coming back if he knows that there is guarantee that he will eat to his heart’s desires. They say that once hunger is sorted out, every other thing will surely fall into place. Food is also very important in human survival. It is a need, not a want or desire. It is even a prayer we pray to God; that he should not let us settle for anything available but that which our heart desires. “Give us this day, our daily bread” the Lord’s prayer says. It did not mention children or any other thing.
Whether as a man or woman, if you eat something good, you are not likely to forget for a long time. Your mind keeps going back even if you cannot go back there physically. It is the same thing when you discover a good restaurant or buka, and you keep going back there to eat. It’s not because there are no other restaurants, or that you don’t have a wife to cook for you at home, but it’s the fact that the particular vendor has an edge over the others and even what you eat at home. Have you not also heard the slang, “o ti je’fo” (he’s been bewitched with vegetable soup.) They say it when they cannot decode why two people have remained stuck together despite all the challenges they face.
Any woman can have a child for you, it does not mean you love her and neither are children guarantee that the marriage will be successful. If it were so, people with children will not get divorce. Today, many women don’t know how to cook good delicious meals. Parents hardly pay attention to raising good wives and mother’s any more. Rather, they invest in raising educated female lawyers, doctors, accountants etc who are no different from their male counterparts despite their different sexes and roles in society.
The time they ought to devote to learning house- keeping, family management and husband pampering is devoted solely to academic pursuits, summer holidaying all over the globe for those who can afford it. Young people can be seen moving from one cinema house to another or engaged in some kind of unprofitable activity. Rather than ground the young ladies and teach them how to care for their husbands, they indirectly teach them how to be their husband’s rivals.
Even, when the children come, those ones too cannot get adequate attention because they are considered as mere necessities rather than borne out of love to raise a family. So, which children are we really talking about? Why is it that many rich parents now employ house-helps and cooks for their young daughters on getting married? It is because they know that these things are important and their daughters are not equipped to survive out there. You will see that despite all these spoon feeding and enticement, the marriages still collapse.