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I love my hubby, but I want my own room!

By Morenike Taire

Good sleep vs good sex

The younger the couple, the tighter they squeeze is the submission of legendary reggae innovator Bob Marley in his chart breaking song Summer Holiday. This is probably because newlyweds have the tendency to want to do everything together including sharing the same bed. If fact if it’s a single bed, all the better.

bedroomAs time goes on however, there’s a tendency for couples to ‘grow apart’, with each half of the couple being more territorial of their space and property, while having stronger desire to have their own privacy. For many years, sleeping apart was seen to be so passé and something only our grandfathers and grandmothers did. Now, this old fashioned trend appears to be returning, with some couples going as far as saying it saved their marriages.

Many marriage counsellors have been known to advice against splitting and using separate rooms, but is it always a bad thing?

Pro: Bad habits sleep hard

Maybe one person snores, for instance, which keeps the other person awake, or maybe one has restless leg syndrome, where they kick in the middle of the night. It could even be a seemingly small thing, like one person prefers to sleep with the hallway light on, whereas the other requires total darkness. The bigger issue is that sleep disturbances due to differences like this can create big relationship problems.

The danger with not sleeping well is that couples often start to resent each other. What’s more, duos often become more irritable and fight over silly things. When people are well rested they’re better able to solve problems and approach life with an even temper. And both of these qualities can help improve your relationship.

Con: Separation anxiety.

All of the good stuff that you associate with sharing a bed—the cuddling, the pillow talk- might be affected if it’s not all well thought out.

Pro: Your place or mine?

Sleeping in separate rooms would hardly be an insurmountable obstacle to regular lovemaking. Instead it would have the opposite effect and spice things up, creating a more date-like atmosphere of assignations. Your place or mine? Many couples who are sleeping in separate beds report that their relationships have not suffered; in fact, their renewed energy allows them to devote more of their waking hours to go on dates and spend time together. The constant exhaustion and tension that used to plague their relationships has disappeared, and that separate rooms help them reclaim some of the spark and excitement of dating.

Con: People will whisper

When you find out that a couple sleeps in separate bedrooms, it’s easy to jump to the conclusion that their relationship is in hot water. When people begin to whisper, it might have a negative effect on your relationship, or how people look at it.

Pro: More out of bed time

If you are spending less time in bed in an organized manner, it might put more pressure on you to make time for other activities together. You can even take turns to sleep in each other’s rooms.

Con: Cold shoulder

If a couple is fighting, then obviously sleeping in separate rooms would increase chances of the fight going on forever. For a couple that is not talking to each other, running into each other only in the hallway will not help a kiss and make up situation.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.