By Morenike Taire
From time immemorial, every woman of marriageable age, when being counseled by older women or her religious organization, is told her career future will depend on the kind of partner they end up with. Sometimes they are believed and sometimes not, and so the question has remained.

The recent passing of phenomenal vocalist and soul legend Whitney Houston has once again brought that never ending debate to the fore with accusations and counter accusations going on in family circles, the music industry and women circles.

In the first place, publics were skeptical about the chances of the union to endure in the first place, with Whitney beating hubby hands down for talent, success, beauty, grace, age,  and of course, fortune. Some commentators saw it as a union of two seriously insecure individuals: she, made lonely by sudden fame and success at a particularly early age and he being in likelihood to live under her intimidating shadow forever. I

ndeed, commentators after her death claim Bobby spent his whole post nuptial career trying to achieve a hit as big as any of Whitney’s. Needless to say, he never did.

While reports of Whitney’s family blaming Bobby for her misfortunes have been discounted,. They are completely understandable. According to one commentator, if Bobby had been the husband he ought  fueto have been she might have had trouble nursing the habit that later became the addiction.

On the other hand, according to another respondent, no one can be held responsible for the misdeed of another, no matter how close they are or how influential they are on the latter.

This last view might be supported by the fact that Bobby is himself claiming to be ‘clean’, despite rumours that he probably is just a ‘dry drunk’.

There is no arguing the fact however that Whitney’s career took a nosedive the minute she married Bobby. Upon their wedding a decade and a half ago, she was worth more than 70million dollars, while he was worth a mere 5million. There had been talk of a prenup.

If Bobby had a negative impact on Whitney’s career, Whitney also had a negative impact on his as well, perhaps even more negative, but no one likes to talk about that. Though Whitney still achieved big hits after their marriage even amid talk of substance abuse and bad behavior, Bobby Brown basically faded into global oblivion, remembered only by his native Americans. For someone who had been a global star even before the advent of the world wide web. union, even when he is younger, less successful and poorer.

Another commentator blames Whitney for what they refer to as “losing herself”. Whitney was from a middle class, church going respectable family which went all out to have her educated. How then did she begin to copy Bobby, even with the way she behaved and talked at one point?

Furthermore, another issue that has been raised has been the idea of love. What part was played by ‘love’ in this particular context? Could it be said that love it was, that caused the superstar to cede the very essence of herself to her spouse? Could love have been responsible for her tolerating years of domestic abuse as well as serial adultery?

These questions become particularly relevant given Bobby Brown’s words that have now been written in stone, in one of his tributes to his wife: “I love her more than God”. In his own defense he said, though she had divorced him years before her demise, their relationship had remained ‘solid’, no matter what.

Are Whitney and Bobby’s definitions of love the proper ones and if they are, how well did this love help the marriage along? Clearly, not very much.

Yet one thing not in doubt is the incredible passion the couple had for each other even in death. Could it be, then, that there is a difference between love and passion? Would they have been more compatible, less self destructive and had a better marriage and career had there been no passion?

Xpressions

President Olusegun Obasanjo, faced with the quandary of many polygamists when in political executive positions in 1999, brought up a really simple solution: abolish the office of the first lady. It was pure genius, and typical.

No one was going to make a song and a dance about that, not after the last two first ladies before his- the flowery Mrs. Babangida and the notorious other Maryam with the exception of the splendid Mrs. Abdusalami Abubakar- had given first ladyship such a bad name.

Maryam Babangida, though history has proved now to be much kinder to her than her contemporary times had been, had started all the trouble, since before her the wives of Buhari and Shagari has been meek, quiet and neither seen nor heard.

But Maryam did not have the Northern Moslem tradition of staying out of the way, as it were. Quite on the contrary, she was in your face, choosing to do with the women folk and for the womenfolk things that had never been done before.

In the process, according to the general belief, she made herself and her friends very rich, but who is to tell? Mrs Abacha was a lot less refined. Once she sank her pearly teeth into the juice apple of the First Lady’s office, there was no letting go until the proverbial fruit was virtually wrestled from her hand.

Needless to stress, no one really cared about the down playing of the First Lady’s role on the executive level, which  might as well have been missed by Nigerians, who generally don’t see much use for women anyway, beyond  the decorative.

Which makes the contribution of the wife of the Ekiti State governor Mrs    Fayemi  to the hitherto and still largely non existent First Lady debate more than welcome. Her main point, which is that the role of the first lady depends on the first lady herself, finally seeks to inject some individuality into the whole thing.

Indeed, beyond that,  the Ekiti First Lady is as qualified as her husband is to be governor as far as paper qualifications and administrative experience is concerned. But those are not the things that count. What counts is the genuine love and knowledge and commitment of those that govern for those that are governed and you cannot buy that with a doctorate degree.