Dear Bunmi,

My boyfriend is smothering me! He wants to be with me every second, calls constantly during the few hours when we aren’t together just to “say hello” and when he’s not calling, he’s texting.

I know this is normal in the beginning of a relationship, but its now six months. I’m trying to be nice about it all but I feel like he’s sucking every last drop of patience I have. I really like him but when I ask him to give me space, he gets upset. How do I tackle this? If he doesn’t let up soon, I’ll have no choice but to dump him.

Oriola,
By E-mail

Dear Oriola,
People like your boyfriend are what relationship expert, Barbara De Angelis, calls “emotional vampires”, because they’re desperately needy, scared of being alone and feeding off your energy and your life. The constant attention is tremendously flattering to start with but quickly becomes very irritating. Sadly, no matter how much time or love you give them, it will never be enough.

You need to have a brutally honest discussion with him. Ask him why he can’t seem to give you breathing space, even though you’ve asked for it. What does he think will happen if he’s not in constant contact? In other words, find out what’s driving his needs to smother you. Something in the past has made him this way and he clearly needs to get it sorted. But you’re not his therapist. Suggest he needs counseling to help him unravel why he’s so insecure and see what he does next.

How do I make female friends?

Dear Bunmi,
I’M in my mid-twenties and have gone to mixed schools all my life. I also seem to make more of male friends than female ones. The girls at my schools used to be catty about my relationships because they were jealous.

Now I work with a very challenging advertising company but work with lots of men and I seldom get to meet other girls. I have a few female friends but we’re not all that close. I want to meet girls of like minds I can touch base with whenever I feel like. Can you help? I’m not into this pen-pal thing as I find that a bit desperate.

Eucharia,
By E-mail

Dear Eucharia,
You can solve your problem quite easily as there are lots of places and activities that attract more women than men- like woman-only gyms that are all over the place these days.

There are other evening classes for fashion designing and cosmetics. Check these places out and stick with the ones you feel at home with. Better still, encourage your male friends to introduce you to their femal contacts. When you socialise, be more open and ready to mingle with some of the female guests you like.

My partner’s teenage daughter is a brat!

Dear Bunmi,
I’ve been with my partner for almost six years and we live together. I have a son in the secondary school and my partner’s daughter who is 15 stays with us from Monday to Friday because her secondary school is close to where we live. This girl is very clingy and is an attention-seeker. She follows my partner all over the place and is always in the living room with us. As a result, she scarcely has time to study.

To make things worse, my partner treats her like a 10-year-old. He refuses to discipline her and it’s him she goes to for every thing- including sanitary towels! Whenever I tried to intervene, it leads to arguments. I love my partner but his daughter’s unreasonable behaviour now makes me wonder how long I can keep up.

Gladys
By E-mail

Dear Gladys,
The question here really is, what can you do about your current dilemma? Have you tried to bond with your partner’s daughter? Suggest you have time alone together. Go shopping for new outfits (not necessarily expensive ones) have lunch together or go to see a film.

You also need to talk about your problem with your partner – the trick here is not to make it sound like a criticism of his parenting skill. Let him see the importance of having set periods when his daughter settles down to serious studying. Then talk to her too, in front of her dad. Let her know how her dad is proud of her progress and would love her to be more independent by learning to study on her own. The more friendly and reasonable you are towards both of them, the happier everyone would be.