By Debbie Ogunjobi
A couple of years ago, I lis-tened to a friend of mine complain about her mother, they just could not seem to get along and since we had grown up together, I had told her she was being the unreasonable party. Her mother like all moms was particularly fond of raking up past issues to buttress her point at any and every opportunity.

I did understand how frustrating it was to deal with someone who treats you like your nappy has pooh in it  even as a young adult but I told her to take it and make peace as I knew from experience that a nagging mother was a lot better than none. At that time I had already lost my mother for a few years and missed her really badly; I impressed upon her how devastating it would be if she lost her mother and she had just brushed it off.

Her mom and I had a very close relationship and she just dismissed my entreaties as me taking her mom’s side. Truth was that, I thought her mom was great, she was very protective of her children and tended to butt in at every opportunity but my point had been that the butting in would be one of the things she would miss when her mother was no more.

As fate would have it, her mom died suddenly a year later and she can now attest to the wisdom of my words and it is the crux of the column today; my old self would certainly tell my young self to treasure my relationships, nothing lasts forever and no one lives forever!

The greatest folly of youth is the feeling of entitled invincibility. I look back at the young person I used to be and I am amazed by the sheer audacity of expectation that I carried around.

I don’t believe in regrets and while I acknowledge the folly of my youthful misadventures I find myself regretting the things I didn’t do and the words I didn’t say.

Using my relationship with my mother as an example I most times wish I had been less moody and certainly more considerate. My mom died of a terminal disease and as awful as that was, I have to say it is a lot better than my friend’s situation.

Her mom had gone to church, attended a party and got home only to complain of a mild headache. Nothing much was thought of the headache till she woke up nauseous in the middle of the night and a few hours later she was dead. Her children didn’t even have the time to see her or say goodbye and just like that she was gone. Some of the most endearing memories I have of my late mom was that last year of her life.

As sad as that period was, we had time to develop a deeper bond and I still remember the fun we had together abroad while she was seeing her doctors. We shopped, dined out, had baths together and most times laughed hysterically every time I tried to stand on her back to ease her lower back pain.

One of my greatest regrets is never writing her a love letter; I wish I had told her just how much I loved her to her face but it was never the cool thing to do. My friend was not even as lucky as I was as her last conversation with her mom was another of their famous fights. Time really is precious, so is love; we need to always make the most of it.

The reality of life is that time is precious and so are the relationships in our lives. This applies to my old and young selves. Parents need to show as much love as discipline to their children as they soon grow up and move on with their lives. Youths on the other  hand need to enjoy the care and love of their parents and friends.

If you think your parents are overprotective and fussy I promise you it’s worse not to have anyone who wants to protect you. I think we all need to take a deep breath and enjoy the lives we have. I used to be so excited about growing up and doing my own thing but I wish someone had told me that I was just going to be switching roles with my parents.

My neighbour lost her parents last year and to hear her talk about the love in the home she grew up in, one would be jealous!! I wished I had loved more, lived more!! As one gets older, time becomes a commodity that is more valued, you suddenly understand the beauty of solitude, the charm of simplicity and the utter uselessness of rebellion.

It’s an irony that we get younger at heart when we get older!! No one is more troubled than the young and no one more youthful than the old. The older we get, the more forgiving and considerate we become to others and to ourselves and that in itself is the essence of youth; it’s a time to surrender to life and live.

Pablo Picasso captures the irony in this famous quote.“It takes a long time to become young”. I’m a lot younger in my outlook and behavioural pattern than I ever was, isn’t life funny! Old when I was young and young when I am old!!