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I want him to have more fun

By Bunmi Sofola
Dear Bunmi,
I am a single mother in my thirties. When I broke up with the father of my child, I went off men. Now, over five years later, I’ve met a smashing man and we just started making love. He is a bit on the reserved side and I’m eager to show him what a good sex life could be.

I’ve taken the lead a couple of times and now I think I want to try the ‘woman on top’ positions. I guess I am a bit rusty after all these years. Can you explain what this entails?
Zainab,
By e-mail

Dear Zainab,
What exactly do you want me to explain? Like riding a bike, you’re not supposed to forget a good sex life no matter how long you have abstained. If your man is as nice as you say he is, and you fancy him as you obviously do, then there’s no need for a refresher course. Just don’t over expect. Since your man is reserved, I would advise you take things easy, don’t make sex an issue as the first few times might not be as terrific as you might expect. With time it gets rapidly better especially after your man has gotten rid of his inhibitions.

Our sex life is dwindling

Dear Bunmi,
When we first met, we used to make love all of the time and this continued when we married. My two pregnancies hadn’t stopped my husband but now it seems as if I’m lucky if we make love twice a month. Is this normal? We are both in our thirties and I believe we should be making love more.
Oluchi.

Dear Oluchi,
Lovemaking is obviously a powerful bond between a couple but after years of being together, familiarity often erodes it. The quickest way to bring your sex life back to where it was is to change the time, place and position of the way you make love. This shouldn’t be done all at once ofcourse.

Time is the easiest element with which to begin a sexual revamp. Try initiating sex when he least expects it, instead of waiting for your man to do that. That way, sex doesn’t become routine.

Getting away once in a while helps too and changing your normal sexual position can turn him on instead of off sex. Good luck!

Are these supplements good for him?

Dear Bunmi,
My boyfriend says he’s too busy to find time for regular exercise, instead, he goes for all these supplements that promise wonder benefits.

His latest find is a protein milkshake he believes will help him build up muscle. On the jar it says it’s for body builders and athletes, but he’s neither – he hardly exercises at all!

He also takes multivitamins. Are all these supplements harmful if taken in such large doses?
Monica
By e-mail

Dear Monica,
You’re right to suspect your boyfriend is only fooling himself Without regular exercise, all he’ll get from drinking too much protein milkshakes is a bit of tommy!

Athletes who are training hard do need protein to build muscles, but usually there’s plenty in ordinary food so no one’s really sure whether protein supplements make any difference. The same is true for multivitamins – there should be plenty in food.

Your boyfriend must stick to the recommended dose of vitamins, as an overdose can be harmful. The protein supplements shouldn’t actually do any harm unless his kidneys aren’t working properly in which case there’s a danger of permanent kidney damage.

Stressed out by menopause

Dear Bunmi,
I’m 53 and going through the menopause. I feel so tired most of the time and my husband is getting sick of me being moody always. Our love life has fallen apart as t don’t feel turned on most of the time. Can you help?
Shakirat,
By e-mail

Dear Shakirat,
The menopause is a big change in a woman’s life. You have to psychologically adjust to the end of your fertile years but there are difficult physical changes too. At the menopause, the level of the female hormone oestrogen falls in yourbody. This makes you feel tired, moody and can affect your sex life too. Many women lose their libido or require more foreplay to get them sexually aroused in bed.

There is treatment to manage the most difficult symptoms of the menopause, such as hormone replacement therapy. Why don’t you have a word with your doctor? In the meantime, log on to   menopausematters.co.uk   for more information on the subject.


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