You’ve always encouraged female readers in your column to do pelvic floor exercises to improve their enjoyment of sex but you haven’t mentioned exercises for the men. Could we benefit from any? How? I’m sure a lot of men will be interested.
By e mail
Would you believe that men too would also benefit from pelvic floor exercises? To have a better sex life, strengthening the pubococcygens (PC muscles) can help you hold back from ejaculating prematurely and also gives stronger climaxes.
The exercises are easy. Experts advise you tighten your bottom muscles for a few seconds, then relax.
Also, when you’re having a wee, you should try to stop midstream, then restart. Both exercises should be done six times, several times a day. After a few weeks, you’ll notice the difference.
I wee during sex
I’ve just met a fantastic boyfriend who is a good lover. The problem is that twice now, I’ve had a wee during sex. I’ve also noticed that this only happens whenever we have sex in the missionary position. As you can imagine, it is really embarrassing. My man hasn’t, noticed yet though I’m sure it’ll be a matter of time before he notices.
Don’t be embarrassed and don’t panic! What is probably happening is that having sex in the missionary position is pressing on your bladder, forcing you to let go.
The answer is simple-don’t have sex in that position. Tell your man it stimulates you in the wrong way (which is perfectly true, although not in the way he might think!) and you’d prefer other positions.
When you’ve been going out for long, and are more relaxed with him, you can admit the truth if you like. For now, just avoid the problem.
I don’t think he’s up to the task
Recently, my boyfriend and I were discussing what would really turn us on. For years I’ve had this fantasy of a rough sex with a really macho man. I’ve had one or two meaningful relationships, but the men I’ve met were not really macho. Least of all my current boyfriend who’s somehow weedy. Now he wants us to act out my fantasy but his physique won’t turn me on in that way. How can I put him off?
Fantasy isn’t reality. So you don’t need your boyfriend to be a genuinely strong man to act out your sexy dreams; simply close your eyes and pretend! You never know-he may be more powerful than he looks! But if you’re really sure this won’t work, explain to him that although you like to fantasise when you’re alone, you don’t need or want to act it out. That will let you off the hook and spare his feelings.
My friend stabbed me in the back
Some months back, I told my friend that I heard a particular company I was interested in had a vacancy and I intended to apply. She seemed really interested in the details and I thought she was just being nice. I applied for the job and didn’t even get short-listed. When I saw my friend again, I told her how the interview went. It was then she told me she also applied for the job too – and got it! I was so shocked that I let her know what I thought of her in no uncertain terms. But she told me she’d done nothing wrong. But I think she’s behaved outrageously. What do you think?
What your friend did is a betrayal of trust. Whether or not she had a right to apply for the job, if she’d been totally innocent, she would have told you what she was doing. The fact that she kept quiet about it means she knew she was in the wrong. Her getting the job now looks as if you weren’t good enough.
I wouldn’t trust this friend of yours in future. The only way forward is to end the friendship and walk away. Only, don’t start to mistrust every potential friend. Most people would either have steered clear or been open with you about what they were doing. So keep on trusting. It isn’t worth losing your human nature over one friend’s bad behaviour.