By Folake Aina
O my goodness!!! I got mails from many men who claimed that married women are now so much into extra marital affairs, and that it should not be so. They are of the school of thought that a woman is created for just one man, but a man can have as many women as he wants.
Everyone who has been with Woman to Women for a while know that we have dealt with this issue. Any woman knows that it is so wrong to be in a marriage and to be having sex outside that marriage. It is an abomination. Every religion is against it. Womanhood is so special.
The woman carries the womb, and you don’t allow any kind of defilement or garbage in that region.
No excuse for any woman to have sex with any other man but her husband.
On the other hand, though not good for the gander it is allowed for the goose. Most religions permit it for a man to have more than one wife. The society in general tolerates it. When a man has an affair, you can talk it over. …
But a woman? It cannot be accepted. Even liberal cultures do not condone it. A woman in some liberal cultures can jump in and out of marriages and relationships, but though not spelt out, infidelity is not allowed. The fact is that in liberal cultures, if a women is expected to be faithful to her husband in marriage, a man is expected to be faithful too.
Like I said, there are some religions that allow a man to have as many as four wives. But on the average in the year of our Lord 2010, many men, ‘wisened’ up. Many men who went through a polygamous home know what negative things they went through, and of a truth do not want their children to go through same, so have vouched never to practice polygamy.
So they promised their spouses about it and promised that it would be both of them forever. I believe if a man promises a woman a monogamous relationship, and down the line, he decides to have a woman hidden somewhere who is busy having kids for him, I believe that right there is betrayal of trust.
There are many situations where the man had nothing and the woman was the wealthy one, and the woman did what she felt was honorable, to help the man polish his ego, handed over all her wealth to him. The man works on what the woman had, and builds an empire out of it.
This same man, who promised that it would only be him , his wife and the children, now thinks he is a big boy and that woman is not enough for him, or not good enough. When he had no money, only this woman could tolerate and love him. Now he has become so ‘hot’ …Come on now? What do you call that?
Let us face it. With the melt down, many men have been tamed, as it were to cut ‘their coat according to the cloth’ as it were. Many men have come to the understanding that an extra woman is more stress, more money to spend, more
‘wahala’ and is not a worthwhile investment, so they chose to be happy at home with their one wife and kids from that one woman. Of course there are still men of the school of thought that one woman is not good enough. At least let the woman know before you get married that you plan to practice polygamy in the future. And if she is ok by it, fine.
It is the deceptive part that I am totally against. Where a man can live a double life for many years and his wife has no idea.
Like I said there are men that believe they must have more than one wife, and can afford to take care of as many women he marries and their children. As long as you and wife are in agreement, fine. I met this man at the embassy the other day. I noticed that he had run out of space writing the name of his children, and he wanted more paper.
I couldn’t help but ask him if all the names he had down were his children, and he replied proudly in the affirmative. He explained to me that he had travelled almost to all cities in the world, and every where he got to in the past he married a wife, who bore him children. He said now in Nigeria, he had five wives.
Three were living with him, and two in their own houses. I asked him if he was very wealthy, as it would cost a lot to maintain these wives and children. I wondered why he would bring so much problems upon himself. His reply shocked me. He said “You cannot imagine how much peace I have.
If you must practice polygamy, understand it well. If you marry, two or three women, you would have problems. If you want to enjoy women, start with five, or six wives.
They will be so busy fighting each other and trying to keep him, that they wont have time to fight the man. He said all his wives are graduates, some, Phd holders, and they can fend for themselves. He said they all treat him like a king and he is loving it.
I guess one man’s meat is another man’s poison. As you make your bed you will lie in it.