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The Whore Cup is Real

By Tony Ubani
EVERYTHING works out for those who pray and believe. This sounds more biblical but from very unlikely quarters to quote the holy book. South Africa is the place to be and would be the cynosure of all eyes for one full month. 

Soccer-crazy fans are flocking to this rainbow nation from all part of the globe just like business men and women are determined to have a pie out of the money that would be pumped into the economy of South Africa.

Prostitutes are having their Whore Cup, too.  So many daughters of Eve have bombarded this former enclave of apartheid to add to the colour of the Whore Cup. No matter how biting the cold is, these ladies dare it to do their brisk business. And it appears that things are working out for them that dare. The weather is too good for them to get clients.

Not even the giant warmers and even to some extent fires set up in homes that can provide enough warmth. People tend to go out to play in the Whore Cup. Unlike the World Cup, Whore Cup is an indoor game without fans or fanfare. Gate fees are paid to the whores on an hourly basis depending on your purse.  Women are beneficiaries and they are from all parts of the globe. Somebody told me that they are the ones who made the rents skyrocket.

The prostitutes are willing to occupy the homes and they make their monies, too. But, the girls are too beautiful to be ignored but they are causing too much distraction to innocent minds in the World Cup.  It is not the end, here.

Expectedly, men and women of God have also flooded here to bring the good news to the sheep going astray. Tracks are been given out and many are being warned that the end time is near. Ordinarily, those with ears should hear but the devil is equally working so hard to harden the hearts of men. With so many condoms being given out free, there is the tendency to test the condoms and see if indeed their latex is as smooth as the skin as is being advertised.

When Onochie Anibeze was in the world, he comes back from major assignments to give out condoms. He told me that the condoms were tested and trusted. Not again. Onochie is a born again. The Catholic born again.

Not the ones that go trumpeting it. Onochie went to Qatar and did not give out his usual gifts on return. He has discovered lately that God would ask questions on people he led astray with his inappropriate gifts.

Onochie is atoning for his sins by refraining from committing more sins and getting closer to God, in deed and in action. But gifts of condoms are natural and at no cost here.

The condoms given to me are enough to make me have excess luggage. I intend to give it to my friends on return. But will that gesture of protecting them from AIDS amount to my leading people astray? Will people misunderstand me? Or do I go the Onochie way?


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Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.