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Why is he so sex mad?

By Bunmi Sofola

Dear Bunmi,
I recently met my boyfriend at a New Year’s party and we’ve been having a very passionate affair. We make love most nights and don’t get out of bed until late at the weekend.

Recently, I was given a challenging responsibility at work and need my sleep more than sex. A few nights ago, I woke up early in the morning to find my boyfriend masturbating next to me in the bed.

I didn’t let on I was awake, but I was shocked. We’ve been having so much sex I feel insulted he couldn’t take a break for the four weeks my work-load would ease. Is he some sort of a sex maniac?
By E-mail

Dear Linda,
It’s often difficult for women to understand some aspects of male sexuality. For many men, masturbation is a regular and often daily thing, no matter how much sex they’re having. This kind of self-satisfaction has little to do with emotion and is not meant to challenge your relationship. Some men see it as a way to satisfy an urge, like scratching an itch.

While men can become aroused easily, women need adequate stimulation as well as the emotional side. If a woman’s brain isn’t tuned in, then she won’t feel turned on, no matter how technically good her lover is. This is why romance and fantasy are important for women. This makes it harder for women to understand how a man can simply pleasure himself without it meaning something.

You need not be threatened by his action. Research shows men having lens of sex in satisfying relationships are more likely to masturbate than if they’re single. Fantasies and thoughts of their lover fuel their sex drive so they have more pent-up sexual energy to work off. So feel flattered, not insulted.

Where did he get the pubic lice from?

Dear Bunmi,
I have been going out with my current boyfriend since the beginning of this year. Recently, I was horrified to discover that I had pubic lice. When I told my boyfriend and insisted on checking his pubes, I discovered he had them too.

He swears he’s been faithful to me even though I’ve had my suspicion for a long time about his so-called faithfulness. He goes out a lot to nightclubs and comes home late.

I know there’s no other way he could have caught these disgusting bugs – or is there’?
By E-mail

Dear Eileen,
It’s true that your man could have caught these lice through sexual contact, but he could also have easily caught them through close contacts with sheets and blankets. Remotely, he could catch them trying on other people’s clothes!

Having said that, you were suspicious of his behaviour even before you discovered the lice, so you need to confront your partner about your fears. Have a heart-to- heart talk with him so you can find out what’s really happening and get those lice out of your pubes, and his!

Why men should be more aware  on these cancers

Dear Bunmi,
My husband, who’s in his early 50s had just been through harrowing experience when he was treated for enlarged prostrate. He is a health conscious man and had regular check-ups, which were all-clear. Now the doctors at the teaching hospitals have confirmed that some of these diagnostic centres give false results and they often have to correct these bogus results after symptoms have worsened. Can’t these charlatants be brought to book? I’m so angry that my husband had to go through the humiliation of being fixed with a cathetah while being treated. Thank goodness he’s alive!
By E-mail

Dear Rita,
It’s a fact that a lot of men are shy when it comes to seeing a doctor – they would rather go to these so-called ‘discreet clinics’ to have a quick test – the results could be catastrophic for both male and female.

A fancy clinic doesn’t guarantee genuine diagnosis, and your best bet is to go to a teaching hospital, or seek a second opinion  Having said that, it seems that more men know about breast cancer than about prostrate cancer, in spite of the fact that the later is on the increase. Here are essential facts given by the medics about two of the most common cancers in men:

Prostrate Cancer: The prostrate gland lies at the base of the bladder and produces nutrient fluid for ejaculation. Cancer of the prostrate is the most commonly diagnosed cancer in men. It gets more common over the age of 50 but men as young as 40 can be affected too.

Often, urine symptoms are the first sign that something is wrong. Sufferers find they go to the loo more frequently, and when they do, it’s harder to start and the urine stream isn’t as strong as usual. Other symptoms can be back pain or problem with erection. There are many treatments for prostrate cancer depending on how aggressive the cancer is and whether it’s spread. Caught early, there is a good chance the symptoms can be controlled or the cancer cured.

Testicular Cancer: it is the most common cancer to affect men between 15 and 45 years old. Cases of this cancer are on the rise but nobody knows why. The most common symptom of this cancer is a lump on a testicle. Most lumps in the scrotum turn out not to be cancer but if you feel a lump, get a check up. Some men get a dull ache in their lower abdomen.

If this cancer is caught early, there is a 99% cure rate. So get familiar with the normal feel of testicles, examine yourself regularly and see your doctor if you feel any changes.

Is my mum condoning this rape?

Dear Bunmi,
I am 15 and the only child of my mother who remarried about three years ago. We moved into her new husband’s home and some time last year, my step- brother, who is now 18 forced me to have sex with him. Whenever my mother and step-father go to our home town, which is at least once a month, he forces himself on me.

When it first happened, I threatened to tell my mum. I later told her that my step-brother was touching me, she said I was trying to break her marriage because I didn’t like my step-father.

My mum told me my step-brother merely had a crush on me and I was being silly. I am scared of what would happen if I told her that he was actually having sex with me.
By E-mail

Dear Davida,
The most loving of parents sometimes find it hard to accept that a member of the family or a family friend is abusing their daughter. Yet it is within family relationship that sexual abuse is most likely to occur. Among the most frequent victims of abuse are girls who fall prey to step-fathers or step-brothers.

A young girl being abused within the family is terrified of the effect on those they love most if the truth is revealed so the secrecy, reinforced by threats, often continues.

It is urgent that you tell someone who has access to your mother no matter what immediate distress this may cause.

Your happiness and peace of mind is important. There is also the danger of you getting pregnant. Speak out now and insist that your mother protects you.

My boyfriend doesn’t want to commit

Dear Bunmi,
I’m in my late 20s and a bit unhappy. My current relationship is stressful as my boyfriend doesn’t really want to commit to it. He’s the same age as I am but has one or two other girlfriends and no matter how hard I drop hints on marriage, he’s simply not interested.

As if I haven’t enough on my plate, my head of department in my place of work is really hostile. He’s always criticizing my work and running me down. I can’t leave because it took me a long time to get this job. Please help.
By E-mail

Dear Dora,
One important fact you’ve faced about your relationship is that you’re not getting the emotional support you need from your current partner and you’re understandably upset.

It’s unhealthy to stick with anything that’s making you unhappy- and this also includes your relationship at work. The stress that comes from ongoing conflict, resentment or being unhappy leaves you powerless- and it can take years off your life.

Research shows that if you’re in a stressful situation for longer than a few months, you’re setting yourself up for short term problems like headaches, hair loss, skin disorders and digestive problems, and, in the long term, increased risk of heart disease.  The psychological toll can range from insomnia to serious depression.

Now you’ve identified your problems, take stock of your feelings and take urgent decisions. If you want stable relationship, your current partner is not the answer. You need to sit down with your man, have a heart-to-heart talk. Move on if he’s not serious.

As for your problem at work, is it possible to change departments? It may not be easy, but if you don’t want to sacrifice your heath, it’s worth making changes.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.