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Just before signing the dotted lines

By Esther Onyegbula
Having ChildrenIt is a huge red flag in your relationship if you and your future spouse can not agree on  the number of children you want. What if there is a delay, can both of you hold on without children?

Bella signing the dotted lines during her wedding recently in Lagos

Thinking that you can deal with this issue later in your marriage is a mistake. Making a decision to the number of children to have when one parent doesn’t agree is not fair to your marriage.

The mechanics of how the two of you will handle your finances really isn’t the issue. Many couples in successful marriages have separate checking accounts and many couples in successful marriages have one account.

The issue is whether or not the two of you can calmly and practically talk about money. If how your money is spent, or saved, or not spent is an issue before you get married, it will be an even bigger issue after your wedding.

If your future spouse doesn’t want to talk about money, or doesn’t think talking about money is important, postpone your wedding until this issue is solved.

There is no way of predicting the future when it comes to an individual’s sexual libido. However, if the two of you are already having sexual issues, you shouldn’t get married until the issues are settled.

Differences in sexual frequency, desire, preferences, fantasies, masturbation, pornography, expectations, etc. will tear the two of you apart. If you and your partner are unable to talk about the issues, or if your future spouse doesn’t see any real problem, or doesn’t want to talk about sex with you, cancel the wedding.

How do you want to spend our leisure
The answer to this question will reveal several things. How your future spouse likes to spend free time.The value your future spouse places on having fun together.
Whether or not you will come first before work.

Balancing work and fun and family time and personal time is not easy. Without talking about the time aspect of your life together, you may find yourself grumbling because your spouse is spending what you consider to be too much time with old friends and extended family, or on hobbies, sports, the computer, etc. Living a balanced life together will create the time you both need, individually and together, for vacations, quiet time, and fun time.

How much time will we spend with our in-laws? They may be wonderful people who love you both, but your in-laws should not be allowed to interfere in your marriage relationship.

If either one of you will not set boundaries with your own parents when it comes to visits, phone calls, finances, children, etc., the problem with your in-laws will only worsen.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.