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I’m not that sexually experienced

Dear Bunmi,
Although I am in my mid twenties, I lost my virginity only last year and I’ve had sex with a couple of guys to get more experience. But my relationship with these guys didn’t last because sex with them didn’t turn me on all that much.

I’ve now met a man I consider my dream guy but we haven’t had sex yet in spite of the fact we’ve been dating for weeks now. My problem is that I still feel like a virgin because I’m so inexperienced and I don’t want to do anything wrong and put my new man off. What should I do?
By E-mail.

Dear Saudat,
Why don’t you learn to relax for a start? And forget the notion that you’ll learn to be a good lover by having a series of men to practice with! Most people learn about sex in a committed relationship where you both have the time and desire to explore each other’s bodies and learn how to communicate your sexual wants and needs in a safe, loving environment.

Let your new man know you have limited experience with sex and that’s why you haven’t rushed it. With his help, you can then relax and if he’s more experienced, let him take you through your paces!

My fiancee’s ultimatum!

Dear Bunmi,
My fiancee doesn’t get on with my family and things have turned really nasty. She wasn’t their favourite candidate when we first started dating as she used to date a relation. With time, I was able to work on my family to respect the love I had for her. Now that we’re talking marriage, she’s issued an ultimatum that if I involved my family the wedding wouldn’t take place.

I think this is absurd and I’ve told her she’s overreacting but she refuses to budge. What should I do?.
By E-mail.

Dear Walter,
What an outrageous and ridiculous ultimatum! You should tell her to stop behaving like a spoilt brat. She supposedly loves you, yet wants you to promise not to see your family who you love dearly. Her behaviour should make you question the whole relationship but if you still want her, then let her know what she’s asking for is impossible.That your family is as important to you as she is and you need to have an honest and practical chat about how to make things work so everyone can be happy.

She doesn’t have to love your family – or they her, but they both need to be respectful of your situation. Whatever you do, don’t tell your family she asked you to make this choice because she certainly will forever remain in their bad books!

My girl hates wearing knickers!
Dear Bunmi,
I have been involved with Franca for over two years. She is a professional, highly successful woman and comes from a respectable background. She lives in a flat she bought in Ikoyi and I share a luxury flat with a friend on the Island.

We are very compatible sexually and I have marriage on my mind.

One thing that makes me uncomfortable is Franka’s refusal to wear knickers. She says they make her uncomfortable. Even when she has her periods, she uses tampons and refuses to have anything to do with that brand of underwear. I shouldn’t complain really as it has made love-making an adventurous project. But what happens if she climbs the stairs and people can see up her legs? Or if she suddenly gets knocked down by a car and is exposed?

She said nothing I would say would make her change her mind. But don’t you think it’s a bit of a frivolity for a lady not to wear knickers?
By E-mail

Dear Alaba,
A lot of men would give their right arm to be in your shoes! Seriously, how many exposed knickers have you seen in the last ten years? Except you are a flasher, what you wear or don’t wear underneath your clothes, be it male or female, is strictly your business. Frivolity has nothing to do with it and the earlier you came out of the Dark Ages, the sooner you’d enjoy this healthy relationship better.


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