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Breaking the ties of love (4)

It is a fact that
divorce rate is on the increase across the globe. Worse still, research shows it is going to be higher than ever recorded this year. Unfortunately also for us in this part, is the fact that young men and women are no longer really enthusiastic about marriage. Fewer people are getting married these days.

Interestingly, in some climes such as the Uk, firms are already getting prepared for the challenges of divorce increase. Over the Christmas holidays, Debenhams, a household retail chain_store, launched it divorce gift items list. Similar to the wedding and baby shower gift list, people can now actually shop for gifts items for friends who are getting separated or divorced to help them settle back into single life.

Another UK law firm also recently launched its divorce advice free ticket. With this, the firm offers free counselling and advice to couples on how best to go about their divorce, including sharing of assets.

Since the world is now a global village and Nigeria is not isolated in the statistics considering goings on in the society, Onozure Dania opted to go and sample the opinion of respondents on why they think divorce is on the increase. Her reports debuts from today.

Please feel free to send in your views/opinions/contributions on this issue, or any other topic you have read on this column. It is never too late to have your say. You may also send in a  story of your own choice, but based on a true life story. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or e_mail address: Happy reading!!

Segun, (49), works with  Edo State Liaison office. Last thursday, he began a list of the things he believes increased the rate of divorce in the country. He concludes today that marriage is not what it used to be:

The marriages we have now can not be compared with the ones of old, if I have to look at the way my parents lived and my mother was so submissive. She engaged in petty trading to ensure that she contributed to the running of the home and particularly to sustain the children.

I come from a very humble family and it was not easy. My mother had eleven of us. Then, people used to have very high number of children, not like these days that women give birth to two or three and  they stop. We were eleven, so you can imagine. Then, when my father was talking, my mother dares not lift up her head. But the women of these days, because of education and technology, don’t respect their husbands that way.

If their husbands say one thing, they will say five. So, I think I prefer the marriages of those days to what we have now.

Emma, (41), works for am oil company and had this to say:
This issue of divorce is a good topic, very broad, depending on the angle from hich you are viewing it. If it is from the biblical perspective, we know that God totally frowns at it.

Even though in the West, divorce is becoming the order of the day, I know that at the beginning, it was not so. It gradually became common spread because it was not addressed. People just think, if Mr. A can divorce his wife, I can too, its no big deal. And some of these people divorced for flimsy excuses, flimsy reasons.  For some, its sexual reasons, especially in the West where a woman knows that if she divorces her husband, she is entitled to a large percentage of his fortune. So, most of the time, these women look for ways to foment trouble so they can seek for divorce.

If you want to look at it from the biblical perspective, its not something that should be celebrated. It is not something that should be condoned because God himself frowns at it. So, its not supposed to be mentioned among brethrens. Some society celebrate it, fine, but that’s the West. If we want to stay on the side of truth, it is wrong.

First of all, a lot of people go into marriages for various reasons. If the foundation is faulty, the tendency is that the marriage will end in divorce. But if one is guided and led in to marriage prayerfully, committing the relationship to God, there is a higher chance of it succeeding.

There is no relationship without challenges. Ability to manage, ability to  understand your partner, matters a lot. It is a mutual thing. If two parties have agreed to go into a relationship with good intentions, they will stand even when there are challenges.  One of the partners should at any given time, be able to let things go for the sake of the relationship.

But people don’t place much premium on healthy family any more. When I was serving, a man of God came to preach in our fellowship and said a sister just walked up to his office and said “I have broken a relationship”, with out any sign of remorse.

He was like, you have broken a relationship? She said, yes. He then asked, “why did you go into it in the first place?”. The man of God said he got the shock of his life when the sister replied, “I just wanted to know what it felt like to be engaged”.

But the guy took her seriously. The guy thought he was in a relationship and he was putting every thing into it, while this sister was just playing with the guy’s emotions.

So, that is why I said it depends on why you go into relationships. If the motive is wrong, if the intent is selfish, the tendency is that the relationship will end in divorce. So, from the beginning, there is a need for understanding.

As you rightly said, the courtship period is supposed to be the time for getting to know each other. Yes, this is the time they are supposed to learn about what each other likes or dislikes. But for some, they say it is love at first sight, so they just jump at each other, no getting to know each other, they are just in love. Eventually, things go wrong, the eyes that were once blind will open and there will be trouble. So, there is need to go into marriage or relationship with the right motives.

Ndidi, (35), Lawyer, says, he who feels it knows it:
Those that have suffered a separation or divorce know that the whole ordeal can be likened with swimming in the ocean and having your leg bitten off by a shark. Some feel very bitter afterwards and often times unwilling to enter into another meaningful relationship, afraid of being hurt again.

For some, it hurts in their heart. For others it hurts in their pocketbook. So, if the whole process can be so unpleasant, why do people get divorced? This is not an easy question to answer.
There are just as many different reasons for divorces as there are divorce lawyers.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.