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Still a male virgin at 28

By Bunmi Sofola
Dear Bunmi,
I’m 28 and I’ve never had a girlfriend. I haven’t even kissed a woman, and now I feel that 1 never will. Everybody I know seems to be talking about sex, love and relationships.

Television programmes, newspapers, magazines and songs on radio constantly remind me of these things. It makes me feel so inadequate and depressed. As a result, I don’t feel like going out anymore only to watch other people have fun.

Recently, I’ve toyed with the idea of visiting prostitutes just to know what it is like to be close to a woman. I wish I could meet a girl and fall in love but hope seems to have been lost.
By e-mail.

Dear Kingsley,
It’s true that most men need the comfort and intimacy of female companionship and it’s this feeling of yours that you’re inadequate that’s preventing you reaching out for a woman’s love. There are tons of lonely women who want sex and a caring relationship just as much as you do. You need to accept that you are as loveable as the rest of us, and that your desire for sex is nothing to be ashamed of. This will make you feel able to respond to the interest of the women you meet.

You’re not alone as a lot of people have wondered if they would ever find romance only to find it when they least expected. Instead of secretly aching for love, show some of the women you meet that you’re interested in them. Men who flirt and express their romantic needs have girlfriends. So go out there and find the love you deserve. Don’t let one or two rejections put you off. More women are bound to say yes.

How can I be a stud?

Dear Bunmi,
I’ve had sex with a lot of women who complain that I leave them  frustrated. I’m 36 and I’ve had an active sex life since I was in my teens but I can’t last more than a minute.   I’ve been married for seven years with two children. My wife says she’s getting fed up of my ‘wham bam’ sex. She complains sex is over before it’s started. I’m scared I’ll never change and my sex life might be doomed forever.
By e-mail

Dear Supo,
It’s never too late to learn to tune in to your body and control your sexual responses when you feel you’re reaching a climax, slow down until the sensation subsides.  Even after you’ve climaxed, try and work your way into starting all over again – the second time  around usually lasts longer. With a lot of control, you should experience a longer staying power. In the meantime, try and improve your foreplay so that your wife will find it easier to climax quickly.

He behaved like an animal

Dear Bunmi,

I attended a friend’s party recently and accepted an offer of a lift from one of the guests as it was almost midnight. He’s not a boyfriend though he’s fairly well known to me. On the way home, he started fondling me and putting my hand on his crutch I told him in no uncertain terms what I thought of his action only for him to drive to a quiet spot and tried to rape me. I fought him off very violently and escaped into the night.

I nearly died of fright as I made my way back to the-main road and had to walk for a long time before I arrived at another friend’s place who put me up for the night Unfortunately, the man was not sorry for what he did and some of his friends agreed that sometimes, if you accept a lift you must expect to be made a pass at. Is this fair?
By E-mail

Dear Susan,
You can’t rule out bad behaviour amongst some men no matter how respectable they look. Thankfully, not all of them are touts. To help you be on your guard, here are some tips experts advise you follow when going to a party or on a date:

Always tell someone which party you are going and when you expect to be back. Carry a charged mobile and money if you are travelling by public transport. Don’t take drinks from strangers, or leave your drink unattended. Met someone new? Don’t go home with them or ask them back. Arrange another date.

Agree with your mates to look out for each other. Then if you feel unsafe or ill, you’ll have someone to turn to. Don’t ever walk home on your own. Don’t drink and drive. Take car keys away from a friend who might be tempted. On public transport, sit near the driver with an eye to the exit door. If using a taxi, avoid unlicensed ones (kabukabu) and avoid a taxi that is already occupied. Lastly, stay alert and aware. Think ahead-what would you do if something went wrong?


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