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My sister thinks I’m sleeping with her husband

By Bunmi Sofola

Dear Bunmi,
I used to have a good relationship with my elders sister until my marriage of only two years broke up and I became very depressed. At first my sister was supportive but she later became irritated with me while her husband understands what I have been going through. He’s been very supportive and caring. But my sister accused me of having an affair with him. She’s refused to speak to me, and I can’t seem to convince her there was never anything going on. Should I write to her?

Dear Ifi.
It sounds as if your sister is not just suspicious of your feelings for her husband, she is suspicious of her husband’s feelings for you. She doesn’t trust him-perhaps she’s jealous, or may be he’s let her down in the past. They need to sort this out. My advice is to steer well clear. Resist the temptation to have anything to do with him, however much you need his sympathy.

After a reasonable period, see if you can patch things up with your sister.

Why does she sleep around?

Dear Bunmi,
My girlfriend assured me that my going to the university in another state wouldn’t affect the way she feels about me. But I’ve heard rumours during my visits home that she was sleeping around. She didn’t deny it.

She said it happened only once because she was lonely and drunk, but I’ve since found out this with another undergraduate in her university and she’d slept with him a few times. I love this girl and don’t want us to break up, but I’m not sure if I could trust her again as she’d cheated before.

She is 22 and I am 24. I feel so depressed and confused. Should I give her another chance?

Dear Chima,
Your girl is obviously savouring the freedom university life gives her and is not mature enough to cope with staying faithful when you’re away. She’s strayed once and she will stray again. Since there’s no hope that she’ll stay faithful, you need to find a more stable partner if you want to save yourself further pain. Your girl has had her chance and blown it – and she doesn’t seem to care one way or the other about how you feel.

She prefers the other man

Dear Bunmi,
I am a civil servant and until recently, I had a girlfriend in a different department. We’d been Iovers for close to a year until I was told that she was going out with one of the new members of staff. In a rage I phoned this man who was trying to snatch my girl and warned him to leave her alone if he doesn’t want any trouble.

The man later complained to my girl and she’s now chosen him over me. 1 feel so frustrated and unhappy. What should I do?
By E-mail

Dear Milton,
What can you do? Well, first, you must learn a lesson from this fiasco. If you want to hang on to girlfriend, you don’t lash out in rage at a perceived rival as you did. Instead, you talk through the issue and resolve it. Having said that, do you really want to hang on to this girl? Yes, you acted badly. But she’s behaved atrociously by not only dating two men from the same office, but throwing you over when her secret was out.

So don’t crawl around feeling sorry for yourself, thank your lucky stars you found out the type of girl she is. Tell your colleagues how lucky you are to have got rid of the cheat.


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