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I’m addicted to his love

By Bunmi Sofola

Dear Bunmi,
I have been married for 14 years, have three children and I’m a trained masseur. I used to work in a gym but I have since set up my business doing massages at private homes. My husband is happy with this as my working is flexible and I make lots more money than the salary I was earning. Sometime ago, I got  an appointment with a client only to find out she had gone out. Her husband wanted to know if I could give him a massage and I agreed after he agreed to the charges.

By the time I was through with him, he was so much aroused that I was turned on too and we made passionate love on his matrimonial bed. The tip he gave afterwards was fantastic. Since then, I’ve been over a lot of times to give him a massage and have sex in the process. The sex is good and the money comes in handy too. His wife, who is still my client, has no clue what is going on and my husband would have a fit if he knew I was touching another male body. He thought all my clients are female.
By E-mail

Dear Franka,
You are definitely playing with fire here.  For one thing, your husband might find out about your cheap thrill and blow his tops. For another, this man’s wife, who’s really your client, could walk into her matrimonial home to find you bonking her husband.

What would you do then? Jump out of the window? You’d better quit now your self-esteem is still intact. Masseurs have been known to be exposed to a lot of sexual temptations. After all these years, you should know how to run when you find the heat too hot! Remember you are seemingly happily married now.

He threatened to kill me!

Dear Bunmi,
For close to ten years I was married to a man who was in control and very abusive to me and my family. It got so bad that he threatened to kill me if I saw my family or attended any of their functions. I was so terrified of him that I took his threats seriously and cut off all contact with my family and friends.

Now I’m divorced from the brute and for the first time in a long time recognize him for the spineless coward he was, I will very much like to get back in touch with the people he forced me to cut off contract with. But I’m worried about what they will think after I’ve ignored them for so long.
By E-mail

Dear Dorothy,
It is almost certain your family and friends understand exactly why you stopped seeing them. They had seen a flash of violence in your marriage and knew you had to save your life. If, however they seem not to understand, then you need to explain.

Tell them how abusive your ex-husband was. Make it clear you’ve always loved them but were just too afraid to make contact until now because of his threats. I’m pretty sure that once they really appreciate the situation you were in, your family will be happy to have you back. So get in touch now. You’re now out of the clutch of the monster that alienated you from them.

I’m on drugs and want to stop

Dear Bunmi
I’m in my 20s and have a fairly fulfilling job. I have smoked cannabis for over four years, and heavily in the last two. I would very much like to give it up but it has come to the stage where I feel I can’t function without it.

I get out of breath just playing football in our back yard with my youngest brother and I have mood swings when I’m smoking. I often become paranoid and find myself shouting at my mum. But when I’m not smoking, I feel really depressed, as if I want to cry for no reason.

How do I kick this habit? I learnt it could be really difficult to give it up, yet I need to know that there’s light at the end of this scary tunnel.
By E-mail

Dear Samuel,
It’s been confirmed that changes in the way cannabis is cultivated mean that a joint may now be far more potent than those of your parents’ day.

In addition to anxiety, paranoia and hallucinations are more likely with these high does. Feelings of panic and restlessness may persuade users to smoke more.

Yet unless the drug triggers long-term psychosis, say experts, unpleasant symptoms fade when the smoking stops. The lethargy and depression that heavy users often experience eventually lift.

Although you may suffer temporary discomfort, you have everything to gain by giving up this drug. Sit out your distress and avoid those who may encourage you to resume smoking it.

Confiding in your mum will bring you comfort. If the pain seems too great or the idea of quitting too scary, seek medical help.

Having a problem coming off a drug is not something we ought to conceal and your doctor, hopefully, will be pleased to help.


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