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First time out: (6) : At 28, had sex only four times

Hi, Remember that  song “Tonight is  the night”  by Betty Wright? It’s one of those blissful oldies that takes one tumbling down memory lane, no matter how much we may want to pretend. It talks about those secret three letter words that we all love secretly but try hard to deny openly.

The lyrics of the song is actually about the first time a young lady did the “thing” with her lover. It talks about the anxiety, the pain and pleasures of the act. But instructively the song opens with a call for listeners to accompany the singer on the journey, though individually.

Have you ever tried to think back, capture the first time you had sex? What was it like? For different people, it is different strokes. That is why we tried to capture the experiences of readers in this article. Together with Onozure Dania, we asked respondents the following questions: When did you first have sex? Why did you do it? With whom and are you still with the person? What was your experience like, was it as you imagined? Given a second chance will you do the same thing?

Beginning with this edition, you get to read what our respondents have to say. You too may be a part of this wonderful journey down memory lane. Write to us and capture those moments with us, bearing these questions in mind. Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or e-mail address: We are expecting to read from you. Cheers!

Ayodele, 33, Graphic Artist, who insists sex is not worth his while concludes his story below:
I was always more interested in being in their company, njoying the warmness, stealing a few kisses and justgoing out.

Nothing too intimate that will now lead to sex. So, all through Secondary School and Collge, I did not have sex with any girl. However, after graduation and I was to leave for my Service year, the girl I was wth at the time, insisted that we must have sex.

She said it was the only way I could onvince her that I loved her and was serious about the relationship. She wante me to prove to her that Iwas not seeing some other girl who was satisfying my sexual desires, and also to confirm that I found her attractive enough.

I believe she was so sure that I was having regular sex somewhere. So, I had to. And it was only with her that I was having sex from time to time for a long time. I had other girlfriends, but only had sex with her until she moved on.

After that, I started having with some other girls, but it is not as if sex is the focus of my relationships with them. Over the years, I have come to understand that it is impossible to please women.

If you are asking for sex, they complain that all you are interested in with them is sex, if you don’t ask for it, they start calling you names and badmouthing you to people. So, what I now do is, whoever insists, gets it, otherwise, we can remain friends and take our time at whatever we are doing. If I really like a girl and value the relationship and will not want to see her walk off just like that, I introduce sex, otherwise, I am not interested.

You see, I have seen how sex, simple sex, something of a few minutes enjoyment have caused a lot of men pains in their lives. Many men have been forced to settle for women they did not love just because the women got pregnant for them and refused to have the pregnancies terminated. Very few men have the courage to tell a woman to go to hell once she says she is carrying their child.

For many, they believe that the parents of such girls can ruin their lives by remote control. Some of these girls you see wearing lipsticks and rolling their waists all over the places are not ordinary too, many of them posses supernatural powers unknown to women of 80 years old.

And many of those who don’t personally have such powers, patronise all forms of spiritualists you have not heard exists. And the cheapest way to get any human being, be it male or female is through food and sex, or a combination of both.

So, a man has to be careful when it comes to sex, which a lot of us are not. If you see a man who is really into women, he will be spiritually conscious one way or another. It is either he possesses the powers himself or relies on some spiritualists for his protection. Otherwise, he is only messing himself up.

Unfortunately, I am not in touch with the lady anymore, she died sometime ago. Though we were not dating as in having sex by the time she died, we were still friends. I really liked her and perhaps given another chance I won’t mind doing it with her again.

But then, that is not possible, is it? You are only a virgin once in a life time. Forget all they are saying about replacement of hymen to return women to virgins. In your heart, you will know that it is not your first time, or won’t you? Oh! You now believe I know a lot about sex, abi!

For Gabriel, (28), Accountant graduate, its not something he wants to relive:

In my life, I’ve had sex with only two women. And now, I have come to realise that sex is not something I want to engage in again. At least, until I get married.

I had my first experience in 2001 when I was 20 years old. I had just finished from Secondary School then and waiting for admission to the University. There was this girl around my area who liked me a lot. She used to call me every now and then, inviting me to her house and all that. I knew what she wanted but because I was very shy, I tried to ignore her.

Apart from my shyness, I also had a girl friend back in my school, though we were not doing anything intimate. We were friends, or let me say, special friends.

Anyway, this girl in my area refused to back off, and finally she asked me for sex outrightly. I felt intimidated and did not want her to pass me off as a baby, so, I agreed to her proposal. We did it in her house. It was a quickie as I could not even summon up the courage to remove all my clothes.

Even now, the whole thing is still blurred in my mind. I did not enjoy it at all. Even as we were doing it, I kept removing my “thing” to clean. It was that bad. At the back of my mind was the fact that she could become pregnant, also, that I could contract some form of infection.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.