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She nagged me into being unfaithful!

Dear Bunmi,
I was very pleased when the telecoms outfit I worked with sent three of us abroad on a three-month course. My girlfriend of two years said she was happy for me but that I might cheat since the two other course-mates were girls, but I assured her I loved only her and wouldn’t let her down.

The problem is that she has a really terrible jealous streak. When we’re not fighting, we’re in the bedroom making steamy love. She’s a fantastic lover but we’ve broken up three times. It was just after we got together again that the trip came up.

“We phoned and texted each other everyday and I really missed her —  and the sex. Towards the end of the course, we went out more and I got chatty with one of my colleagues.

She was engaged to a nice bloke and confessed she missed him. We never intended anything to happen but there was this night a few of us got talking in my room. After the others left, we started kissing and one thing led to the other and we made love.

We had sex a couple more times before we returned to the country. But this girl made it clear that would be the end of our affair. I readily agreed.

“I’ve since resumed our loving relationship with my girlfriend. I’m just worried that if I loved her so much, why did I stray? Sex with my colleague was good and I’m beginning to think that if she wants my ‘services’ again, I wouldn’t say no. it’s confusing.
By Email.

Dear Seun,
If you and your girlfriend are about you embark on a new phase of your relationship, its chance of success would be how committed you are. If you’re thinking of straying whenever your bit-on-the-side calls, then you’re jeopadising your relationship.

This colleague had made it known that you were nothing but a romantic interlude and your ego sees a bigger picture. It’s bad enough that you’ve justified your girlfriend’s anxiety by straying when you gave your word not to. Believe me, girls too go on ‘sampling’ sprees just as you men do!

Why not concentrate on building this relationship, which you seem to cherish, instead of thinking of satisfying your lust?!

Would she be a liability?
I am 26 years old attached to the Nigeria Police Force. I am in love with a girl of my choice, and I’ve promised to marry her. Her family has accepted me wholeheartedly.

My problem is that my girl is not educated and cannot be employed in any department. Obviously she cannot assist with financial problem.

With this in view, do you believe that I will be able to meet up with the present high standard of living in a place like Lagos?

By E-mail

Dear Emmanuel,
You knew your girl had no education before you fell in love with her. And you admitted you still loved her, enough to ask her to marry you.

Surely education is not the only means by which you can make a living – and you know it.

Why don’t you let her learn a trade? Or better still, why don’t you set up a petty-trading business for her? I’m sure she herself doesn’t relish the idea of being as helpless as you now think she is. As a last resort, you can enroll her in a good adult education school even after you’re married.

Does she want me for my money?

Dear Bunmi,
I was a recent winner of a One Million Naira jackpot and was stunned at the news. I used to think that all these mind-boggling bonanzas were fake until I was lucky to win one. A few days after my change of fortune, my ex-fiance got in touch with me and asked to see me again. We’d been apart for two years and she was the one who called off our engagement but now she says she’s never stopped loving me.

I still love her and seeing her again has brought back the wonderful times we shared. I would like things to be the way they were before, but there is this nagging feeling I have that she only came back because of my windfall. We haven’t talked about my winning, but it is common knowledge. Do you think she’s sincere?

By E-mail

Dear Lukman,
I don’t know if she’s sincere but her suddenly turning up after your win sounds a bit dodgy to me. You didn’t tell me why she broke up with you or if any of the issues then – hers and yours – have been resolved. I would advice you take things very carefully. Seek some financial advice, invest your money and don’t do anything rash.

If your returnee fiance can prove in other ways that her change of heart is genuine and not motivated by money, then I wish you every happiness.


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