By Chioma Gabriel
So, every girl you know is doing it and you think itâ€™s cool. Besides, they have goodies to show for their philanderings . You have heard all the talks about aristos being bread-winners and you can even keep a normal relationship while you keep your married man boyfriend and that seems normal since you are having the best of both worlds. Do you consider the consequences?
Why would you date a married man?
We shareÂ more experiences but in this edition,Â a male, Efosa fromÂ Benin writes about the married woman who loved him.
She is my friendâ€™sÂ aunty and she fell in love with me, Efosa, 29.
Fred and I were room-mates in our days in the University of Benin. We were also course-mates and age-mates but were drawn apart by our family back-grounds. Fred was a rich boy while I came from humble beginnings. But what I lacked in wealth, I had in looks and intelligence. Fred was a party freak and hardly had time for academics. It became convenient for me to help copy his notes and do some of his assignments. In return, Fred helped with my finance and bought me clothes and provided for other basic things I needed which my parents could not afford.
In our third year, he took me to meet hisÂ aunty who fell in love instantly with me. She could not take her eyes off me even in the presence ofÂ her husband.Â Aunty Maris had two sons and she was seven years older than Fred and I. It was obvious she was having problems with her husband.
During the visit, Maris gave us her complementary card and some cash. At the time the naira could still boast of value, she gave me N100,000 and her nephew N50,000.
Fred was outraged that her aunty favoured me but I reminded him she must have considered that I deserved the money more than him. That was the first and the only time Fred took me along to visit any family member but that was not necessary as I decided to get close to aunty Maris. I called her one weekendÂ when I was alone in the room. That call changed my destiny.
Aunty Maris invited me to visit her in the bank where she was branch manager and that visit left me with money beyond my imagination. I began to travel with her outside Benin and we always slept in hotels and guest houses in the places we travelled to. She took me to Port Harcourt, Abuja and Enugu and we always travelled by air. She took me to South Africa and London and in a space of nine months, I was totally transformed. Girls wanted to kill themselves because of me but I only considered Rita, a rich girl that was three years younger. Rita made no demands on me and asked no questions about me. She thought I was a rich guy too from myÂ groomed looks but I offered no explanations aboutÂ my background.
DuringÂ the long vacation before my final year, I spent it abroad with Maris who was on leave. We travelled with her two young sons and another relation to Paris and stayed for two whole months!
Maris disvirgined meÂ and spoilt me and it became difficult for me to leave her. She obtained divorce from her husband during my NYSC and I moved in with her in her new abode in Port Harcourt after my NYSC. My relationship with her severed my friendship with Fred who got to know about us during our degree exams. Fred found out I was no longer at his beck and call and monitored my movements and phone calls and caught me with his aunty. He tried to engage me in a fight but I told him it was not necessary because Maris and her husband were having problems before we metÂ and their marriage was on the verge of being dissolved.
I got automatic employment in an oil servicing firm after my graduation with the help of Maris. Our relationship was deep and total and I thought I could marry her. My girlfriend Rita left me when Fred told her about me and Maris and the fact that I am from a very humble background. Maris treated me very well. She respectedÂ Â me and beyond the financial aspects of the relationship, Maris built my self-confidence and setÂ me on solid ground.
We made our relationship more solid when she conceived with my first child. My parents raised hell and threatened her but I reminded them she was the bread winner of our family and the one responsible for the goodies that they started enjoying even while I was still a student.
Although we didnâ€™t get married eventually, she has a part of me, a beautiful girl called Lori who resembles me in everything.
Maris and I enjoyed a sweet relationship for four years, 2003 – 2007 and we parted on a good note. She respected me like no woman has ever done and even though she was older, she never flaunted it or treated me as a â€˜toyboyâ€™ as some people called me. She taught me all the good things I knew and even deep respect for womanhood.
In late December 2007, Maris found love again with an older man and relocated to UK with her children including the one I have with her. She is happily married and she set me free to fall in love with a woman my family would approve of. We parted ways as friends and we still communicate. I visited her when I travelled to the UK in November 2008 and March this year. She introduced me to her husband as a friend and the father of her daughter but I realised it is not the same Maris. She treated me as a brother and asked if I have moved on but that brought tears to my eyes because I doubt if I would love any woman like I loved her.
I reconciled with Rita, my girlfriend and gave her anÂ engagementÂ ring. We are getting married very soon and I hope my ex-room-mate Fred would be my best man. I told him Iâ€™m no longer the poor boy I was when I copied notes for him in the university but he is still headstrong.