By Bunmi Sofola
Dear Bunmi,
We sent all our children to reputable schools both for their secondary and post-secondary education and my 35-year-old son said he picks up taking drugs from one of his schools abroad. It was a very frightening period for us as he battled drugs addiction without any success. Because of the children’s comfort, we rented a flat in the United States but he sold most of the household goods including very expensive paintings to pay for his addition.

Years later, he came home a graduate. We gave him a flat outside the family home because we didn’t believe him when he said he had kicked the habit. He has a good job and could be really charming when he feels like it but his eyes are always bleary.

He got married four years ago and we heaved a sign of relief because it was obvious that his wife really loved him. They now have two adorable children but the poor wife is at the end of her tether. My son is constantly beating her up and she wears mostly long sleeves and high neck blouses to hide the bruises on her arms and neck.

She confirmed our worst fears- that our son still takes hard drugs. She even complains he is now semi-impotent. She has threatened to leave him and we keep on bribing her with cash and household gifts so she could stay.

But it is a matter of time before she leaves. We feel so bewildered and frustrated. Is there really a light at the end of this tunnel?
Victoria Island.

Dear Mariam,
I advise you keep on with your support and continuous talk with your son as there is precious little you can do to make him stop taking drugs. Except pray. You see, an addict would have to be convinced that he really wants to kick the habit for him to start making the effort. Even then, he has to go through the tortuous route of withdrawal symptoms, which are really scary. Yet thousands of people give up the habit everyday and your son hopefully might be one of the happy statistics. He only has to make the effort.

In the meantime, encourage the wife to continue to talk to him when he appears to be in his sober moods. Unfortunately, your son is also violent, which makes things looks a bit dangerous for the wife. Keep on praying that he would change, at the same time, be thankful for your grandchildren.

My ex is a hotter lover!

Dear Bunmi,
I’ve always had a really high sex drive and this is causing me a lot of trouble. My ex-boyfriend was a stud and we’re still having sex because my current boyfriend can’t satisfy me like he can. My ex is a nasty love rat who cheated on me so many times during our four-year relationship that I had to give him his marching orders. But I keep going back to him for sex because he is such a good lover.

My current boyfriend is kind and loving and I really hate myself for cheating on him but sex with him doesn’t do much for me. As a result I keep getting in touch with my ex just for the sex. I’ll certainly lose my boyfriend if he finds out, but I’m addicted to sex with my ex. How can I get away from him?
By E-mail.

Dear Ify,
It’s obvious you’re so busy comparing your boyfriend with your ex and are not giving him the chance to get to know him better enough to develop a good sexual relationship with him. Why don’t you have a word with him about what you like doing in bed and start experimenting? Who knows what he could be capable of!

Let go of your ex boyfriend whom you kicked out because he made your life miserable. Hang on to your pride and stop running after him for sex. He broke your heart once, and even now he’s not making any promises. You know there’s no future with him, so is it worth risking a potentially good relationship just for good sex?

How can I get more out of him?

Dear Bunmi,
I met this wonderful guy some months ago and we’re much in love. The sex could be great, too hot, unfortunately, although his penis is long, I don’t find it wide enough.

As a result, there seems to be too much space inside me whenever we make love. Is there any way I can make him work for me so that the sex becomes enjoyable?
By e-mail

Dear Nkechi,
Like many women, you need width rather than length. But there are things you can do to help improve sensation. Make sure that the sexual positions you use are ones that bring the sides of your vagina closer together so there’s less space inside you.

Positions that will help are ones where his legs go either side of yours, so you’re not opening wide, or where you’re on your back or front, squeezing your legs together. Experiment as a couple and find out what works best for you.

I want to please her in the bedroom

Dear Bunmi,

I have a new girlfriend who is a fitness freak and boasts all the time that sex is a healthy and fun way to burn off the flab! She particularly swears by what she calls the doggie-style and sex on the sofa. I want to impress her with a few facts myself. What benefit do these styles give?
By e-mail

Dear Okay,
Your girl fiend is right and you should be really proud of picking a good one! The doggie style is said to be a good healthy position for the body, and regular practice will be great for your arms, bones and joint strength.

This type with your girl’s knee lifted off the ground is particularly good if she can keep it up. For her, extending her back will tighten those muscles, giving them a lovely slender shape. It would also help prevent various veins.

As for you, a good thrusting motion will work out your bum and pelvis. If you bend your knees slightly, you’ll be able to thrust better. Sitting on the sofa can also be a great way to fight the flab-if your girl is bouncing on you. It can be a brilliant workout for bum, legs and thighs. Leaning back will also stretch her tummy and help burn the fats off.

But don’t just sit and watch. If you do, the only thing you’ll be exercising is your bits! To build bulging bicepts and replace those ‘man breasts’ with a wide, toned chest, you are advised to slowly lift your girl up and down.

For a strong arm walkout that will drive her wild, link your fingers behind her bum and bounce her up and down! In time you’ll be adventurous enough with your own innovations!

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