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Safe sex: who is responsible (5)

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By Yetunde Arebi
Hi, Sometime ago, we  discussed the issue of safe sex practices. Some of the many questions we asked our respondents was whose responsibility it is to ensure safe sex, the man or the woman?

Another was, what methods the adopt in ensuring safe sax? The place of condoms; multiple sex partners, polygamy and even cultural practices in ensuring safe sex, the level of awareness among Nigerian about the HIV/AIDS pandemic and other sexually transmitted diseases, among others. Several Nigerians expressed shock and dismay at the kind of responses some of our respondents gave.

Today, we are bringing you some of the responses we received on the topic. Feel free to add your voice to the discourse.  Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos, or, e-mail Cheers!

Dear Yetunde,
Thank you for this topic, it is as contemporary as it is important. Leaving out all other extraneous circumstances, sex is supposed to be a mutual act between two (or more) consenting individuals.

I would therefore say that each individual, whether male or female is responsible for him/her self and ultimately responsible for safe sex.

The level of exposure and education these days leaves very little excuse for ignorance or lack of awareness about what is going on in the society and the global world.

The Internet having turned the whole world into a small unit. The screaming high levels or rates of spread of HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases leaves no one in doubt of the dangers of the land mines we have trapped ourselves in, all by our own undoing.

Each individual has a right and the opportunity to do as he wishes sexually, even in a marriage situation. Gone are the days when women claim to be at the butt of whatever catches a man’s fancy. Every woman should know by now that their fate lie in their hands. If you suspect that your man is unfaithful to you, there is absolutely nothing wrong in asking him to protect himself and where he is unrepentant, you protecting yourself. Though married, it is important to know that each has his/her own life to live and is responsible for living it well.

This is where the issue of sex education comes in. Sex education ought to be inculcated into our school curriculum, to be treated as a compulsory subject to be passed at whatever level it is taught before one can move to the next class. Sex education does not stop at teaching the biological differences between male and female, or how children are conceived and given birth to.

It must encompass a broad sheet of what constitute sex, a sexual act, behaviour, deviance, and even what the law says or permits about sex. These combined with teachings on human rights, will go a long way in assisting the younger generation to be adequately prepared for the challenges ahead in their sex lives.

Ensuring safe sex is the responsibility of every individual willing and, or, is ready to partake in the game of sex, it must not be compromised for any reason, if the individual loves him/her self.
Aderonke Adegboye
Oyo State.

Hello Yetunde,
I have been waiting for this type of opportunity for a long time. To put you women where you rightly belong. Stop heaping all the blames on men. Have you women stopped to put the flash light back on yourselves? It is high time that you realise that you women are the ones responsible for the spread of all the sexually transmitted diseases in the world today. You and your double standards on issues on relationships.

Women only talk about monogamy when they are comfortably settled in marriages or have hoodwinked a “mugun” to take them to the alter. Where a woman is yet to find her own “mugun,” she rarely abhors polygamy, especially when their biological clocks are ticking away. Then, they will not mind being in polygamous relationships, talk less of marriage.

Women coming out of failed marriages also have similar orientations. They all cling to these men without protecting themselves and knowing that they (the men) are in other relationships. Of course it is so they too can get a piece of the action. So, who is fooling who?

You women sexually lure and take undue advantage of the male specie in order to get what you do not rightly deserve in most cases. Go to our institutions of higher learning, even secondary schools and you will be shocked at what is going on there.

Such ladies will not bat their eyelids to adopt similar methods to get whatever they want even outside the educational arena.

Many women just want to reap where they have not sowed anything. A man who accepts such proposal from one woman will accept from others and all these women know it. Women are the cause of all the problems surrounding sex. Yetunde, you people should check yourselves.

Tell yourselves the truth. Does a friend who sleeps with her friend’s husband not know that the same man will sleep with his wife later? Or does a sister who is in an affair with her sister’s husband not know that he sleeps with his wife? Any man who takes a woman to bed, will surely take another, and another. So, why is she doing it?

Women are the ones spreading sexually transmitted diseases all over the place. Men are just the “muguns” helping them in the course of their exploits.

Please publish this for me. Thank you.
Bayo Adetula

Dear Yetunde,
Men are responsible for safe sex and they must be informed to take this responsibility very seriously.
On our own as women, there is little or nothing we can do. However, we will continue to shout, continue to complain, continue to educate, sensitize and raise awareness for our women about the little lee ways that nature and the society provides us.

Thank you very much for the opportunity given me to air my views on this very important issue. May God help and bless the women of this country.

Adeyinka Peluola (Mrs)

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