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Safe sex: who is responsible (3)

By Yetunde Arebi
Hi, Sometime ago, we discussed the issue of safe sex practices. Some of the many questions we asked our respondents was whose responsibility it is to ensure safe sex, the man or the woman? Another was, what methods the adopt in ensuring safe sax?

The place of condoms; multiple sex partners, polygamy and even cultural practices in ensuring safe sex, the level of awareness among Nigerian about the HIV/AIDS pandemic and other sexually transmitted diseases, among others. Several Nigerians expressed shock and dismay at the kind of responses some of our respondents gave.

Oluchi, the super model, doing what she knows best.
Oluchi, the super model, doing what she knows best.

Today, we are bringing you some of the responses we received on the topic. Feel free to add your voice to the discourse.  Our address remains: The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos, or, e-mail Cheers!

One consequence of weak financing is weak strategy in health communication-structural, cultural, social.

The fierce urgency of now is for us to mobilise for ‘better health’ for everyone which means that a person is responsible for his/her own health backed by law.

This will allow Senator Anyanwu to concentrate on other effective responsive health laws especially around gender inequity and inequality which fuels the epidemic.
Ikenna Obianwa works with Terrence Higgins Trust UK

Dear Yetunde,
Sex should be treated  long with foreplay, romance and lovemaking.
When a woman is not giving at least two to those treat it makes it hard to reach orgasm.

Sex without orgasm is like a door with a hole which makes it incomplete.
Sex should be enjoyed by both parties and have that same pleasure and satisfaction. Commitment will be deeper and fresher when a partner gets and satisfies his/her partner in the emotional aspect of marriage.

It’s not a problem that can’t be solved. But if both parties are willing and ready to learn how to make and give that maximum satisfaction to each other, there comes foreplay, romance and lovemaking in that aspect of it _ sex.

Sex is not meant for one person and doesn’t need to be enjoyed by one person. The man should be able to carry his wife alone likewise the woman, because that’s their responsibility to each other.

If the man’s ejaculation doesn’t last longer that means he has to do anything necessary to make the woman reach orgasm.

It’s every woman’s need to orgasm during sex. Orgasm is the sweetest part of sex and shouldn’t be a problem for the man to give to his wife.
If a man cannot get his wife to reach orgasm during sex, he should be able to do it other ways.

It’s all about give and take. Not take and take

Dear Yetunde,
Thank you for this topic. I want to tell you that you are doing a great job and a lot of us appreciate your effort out here. I believe it is high time we women face up to the challenges of living on this side of the world and face the battle head long.

For me, the responsibility of safe sex is in the hands of the woman. Let us face it, the woman is at the receiving end of all the evils that men do, especially in this area of sex and relationships.

In the game of sex, it is the woman that gets pregnant and bears the pregnancy for nine months, go into painful labour to bring forth the child, and spends the next two years of her life nurturing it up to the level that it can be trusted into the hands of someone else for a few hours. That is where the pregnancy is wanted or forced to be wanted.

Where the pregnancy is not wanted, she is the one that has to go through the pain of having it terminated, and bear the scar of killing her own flesh and blood for as long as she lives. Yet, two people took part in the act that bought about the two situations.

That the act was enjoyed by both of them is another matter for discussion.
It is the responsibility of a woman to ensure face sex because men are polygamous by nature and the society we live in gives them the exclusive right to sow their wild oats as far and wide as possible.

How many women can flaunt their affairs with their several men in public eye? While feeding their lust, they go spreading the seeds of death from one prey to the other. For the woman who fails to protect herself, she can only have herself to blame.

Just as one may be tempted to shout “serve you right” to the lady who jumps from one bed into another and cannot keep her thighs closed.

But what can one say of a faithful lover, married or single who assumes she is in a monogamous and therefore safe relationship, does not take her precautions, thereby exposing herself to the dangers attached to a man’s lethal weapon of sexual instrument?

It is even worse in the case of the married woman who is bound by culture and tradition to succumb to her husband’s demand without the right to negotiate her safety.

So, I ask you too, Yetunde, who is responsible, the man or the woman? I believe it is the woman. It is her life, it is her body, it is her soul. Her responsibility is first to herself and not anyone else, especially not her man.

Sex is good, it is refreshing, but at what cost? Let us not deceive ourselves, women must be responsible for safe sex.

How we are going to go about it i however another food for thought because the conditions does not rest on us.
Thanks for publishing my contribution. More ink to your pen.
Bukola Pampam.

Dear Yetunde,
My contribution is on the issue of safe sex which I have been reading about for some time in your newspaper. I must confess that this is not the first time that I am reading your column.

I have been reading it for some years now and find most of the topics and the different angles your contributors bring into it very necessary and interesting. It is a very educative column, though this is my first time of sending a contribution to you.

I am sending this contribution not because I am happy, but rather because I do not agree with some of the things that were said, especially by those who insist that it is the duty of the woman to ensure safe sex. This may be true, perhaps in the Western world.

But here, women have never been in the position to determine any such thing and indeed in most part of the African continent. I also want to believe that what obtains here also obtains in most parts of the developing world and even some developed world.

Yetunde, please let me tell you, our (women) inability to determine who and how we have sex has nothing to do with level of education, class or status. It is happening in many homes right now, even in the homes of the high and mighty.


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.