By Bunmi Sofola
Dear Bunmi,
I’ve fancied my best friend’s hubby for a long time and some times have erotic dreams with him doing all sorts of things to me. We’re all neighbours and are always popping in to see each other, My husband and my friend work with the same bank, though in different departments.

They sometimes work late and that gives me plenty of time to be with my friend’s husband. He’s always fun to be with and recently joked that if I wasn’t married, he’d leave my friend for me.

I know it is now up to me to show interest in a flying. I love my husband, but tell me, what woman wouldn’t want to be ravished by a new lover? I’m really tempted.
By E-mail

Dear Danielle,
You need to stop and think what is at stake here – two relationships, great friendship, happiness… if you and your friend’s husband fell into the trap of an affair, the only possible outcome is hurt all round. Then there’s the guilt and the recrimination. You should find something else to do with your spare time instead of panting lustfully after a man that’s not yours, you also need to look at your marriage to see what is making you look for excitement elsewhere.

This affair has saved my marriage!

Dear Bunmi,

I know you tell readers not to have affairs, but in my own case, my affair has saved my marriage. I used to get frustrated and angry with my husband until I started an affair with my boss who is charming and considerate. Now my husband and I don’t argue any more and I feel so alive. Surely it can’t be wrong if it’s doing so much good?
By E-mail

Dear Cath,
It’s easy to justify your affair as being good for your marriage but is that really the case or just a way of helping you forget your problems at home? Your boss is giving you the attention that your husband should be showing you. No wonder you feel you’re blossoming, thanks to him.

Have you considered how this affair will end? Why not engage your husband in a meaningful discussion and let him know how resentful you are about his lack of attention to you. It’s best not to get too carried away, so you could address the issues in your marriage instead of trying to find the answers in the arms of somebody else.

I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend

Dear Bunmi,
It’s been close to two years that my boyfriend travelled abroad to work so he would have more money for the future. Before he left, we were together for only six months and I’ve been patiently waiting for him to come back home. We phone and write from time to time.

The thing is, I’ve recently met another man who is just as nice as my current boyfriend and has a good job.

We’ve gone out only once as I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend as I’m sure he’s waiting until we can be together as well? Do you think I should go for this new man?

Dear Elizabeth,
I think you need to be sure of exactly what sort of deal you have with your boyfriend. Because, unless I’m missing something here, I don’t see that the two of you have the sort of relationship you think you have. You’ve only seen your boyfriend for the first six months out of over two years you’ve known him – and that doesn’t suggest commitment to me. No wonder you’re tempted to look elsewhere.

You need to have a “where are we now”. If the two of you agree you truly are a couple, then you need to meet up more often to build your love, the long distance notwithstanding. If it turns out you’re not a couple, then you’re both free to start new relationships with others.

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