By Bridget Amaraegbu
Different strokes for different folks. But itâ€™s all a personal choice, it seems. While some agree that there is nothing wrong getting pregnant before marriage, others frown at it, from different standpoints. If you were caught in such a dilemma, what would you do?
Marriage first â€” Justina Ogunlolu, Musician
If Iâ€™m faced with such Â Â Â threat, Iâ€™ll quit the relationship, because it will dawn on me that this man is only interested in me because he needs babies and not because heâ€™s in love with me.
Itâ€™s true that babies are a gift from God. But before they come, there should be the two of us first. We should be able to love ourselves first before we can love these children. If not, these children will come into this world and not experience true love, and when we canâ€™t love them, theyâ€™ll look for love elsewhere. At this point, God himself, who has given us these children, will not be happy with us. That is why you see children everywhere who are not catered for because you can simply not give what you donâ€™t have. When your home is not built on the foundation of true love, then your children cannot feel that love.
We have to be in love and happy to raise a strong home.
I know that one reason why some men insist on things like this is because of family pressure. But again, that is bullshit. Some families in the past may have experienced situations where a particular wife donâ€™t give birth, and they begin to blame her. They forget that she is not responsible for childbearing. God is the only one who can give children and not man. This is one of the reasons why they would push their son to impregnate a woman before he can marry her. But I ask myself,Â why will a man allow his family to dictate his emotional affairs? I think any man who canâ€™t take decisions on his own is not yet a man. He still needs to grow up before he can call himself a man.
Donâ€™t also forget that a lot of women have been trapped in this deceit, and the men donâ€™t even get to marry them later. So, they automatically become single parents, just like that. This is something they could have avoided, if they had resisted the temptation from the beginning.
Some ladies too have been able to trap those men who think they can be very smart by demanding for pregnancy before they can marry them. In some occasions, the women were never pregnant but pretended, and even bought a doctorâ€™s report to support their argument. And before you know it, they are legally married and a different story begins to unfold on a daily basis.
But on a general note, marriage should not be attached to any other thing but love. What if this baby dies after he or she is born? Have you not seen situations where families lose all their children the same day? Does it mean the end of the marriage? It could be the end for people who entered into that contract on the basis of child bearing. What more will they have to live for? The very thing that brought them together is gone. So, the party is ended, and they go their separate ways.
Another category of people we should look at are those boyfriends and girlfriends who mistakenly get pregnant in the cause of their relationship but are not ready to get married yet. These category is far different from the man whoâ€™s insisting that his woman gets pregnant before he can marry her.
I advise them to keep the pregnancy and have their baby. Because children are the best gift in life, and itâ€™s not every person thatâ€™s blessedÂ to have them. So, keep that pregnancy, and donâ€™t do away with the baby.
Personally, Iâ€™m a good example of such baby. When my parents were young and in love, my mother became pregnant and their family didnâ€™t like it. She was given several pills to abort me but I stayed put. And because she believe she has a right to keep her baby, she gave birth to me. According to the story, I came into this world with those pills in my hands. Though the whole thing is strange,Â Iâ€™ve always been a blessing to my parents. So, I urge young people not to indulge in abortion because itâ€™s a dangerous thing to partake in. But for those men who are in the business ofÂ forcing women to get pregnant before they can marry them, I say, be careful.
Iâ€™ll agree if…â€” Oluwakemi Ojo, Civil Servant
Eh! If that is what will solve the problem, why should I refuse? Pregnancy is a gift from God almighty, and children complements a happy home. So, Iâ€™ll gladly get pregnant for him. I know you may say itâ€™s not the way of the church. But Iâ€™ll do it to save my heart throb from any unforeseen danger, after all, he wouldnâ€™t ask me to bear his child if he doesnâ€™t love me.
Listen, my dear, he may not be asking me to get pregnant because he doesnâ€™t trust me, no. May , heâ€™s an only child, or heâ€™s from a family where children are very difficult to come by. So, donâ€™t blame the men who insist on pregnancy before marriage. As far as I can tell, thereâ€™s nothing wrong with that. Any other personâ€™s opinion is welcome.
Everythingâ€™s wrong with the idea â€” Joy Henshaw
My dear, thereâ€™s everything wrong with theÂ idea of getting pregnant beforeÂ marriage. The Christian faith is even against the idea of sex before marriage, not to talk of going as far as getting pregnant. Apart from the church angle of it, itâ€™s equally very risky for the people involved. What if he doesnâ€™t fulfil his promise or I get to realise that heâ€™s also impregnated two other girls after impregnating me, what will be my fate?
I consider that as a trick and thatâ€™ll not work with someone like me. If he loves me, he should be able to trust my ability and trust God for all other perfections.
Ungodly and disgustingâ€”Â Kate Ujumadu, Stylist
First, I disagree with that idea totally, because itâ€™s ungodly and disgusting. Why would a man who calls himself my fiancÃ© distrust me? It means the marriage is conditioned to that pregnancy and not love, which is wrong. My family canâ€™t stand , andÂ personally,Â Iâ€™ve promised God to get to the altar without pregnancy, even if it means losing the most wonderful man on earth.
Let me tell you something most men do not know. A lot of women faced with this situation can arrange with a doctor to confirm they are pregnant when they are not. And the man will be deceived into marrying the woman, thinking sheâ€™s pregnant, only to discover later that the womb is empty. I think itâ€™s better to treat such men in a deceitful manner,Â so we know who is deceiving who.
Iâ€™ll never engage in the practiceâ€”Â K. Solo, Musician
For any man to insist that his woman be pregnant before he can marry her is wrong,Â and that love may be fake. So, the woman has got to watch it.
Again itâ€™s Biblically wrong to do such, and Iâ€™ll never engage myself in such game. Itâ€™s better for me to love a woman for who she is, and not what she can offer me.
Iâ€™ve been very careful not to hurt any woman by impregnating her when Iâ€™m not ready to get married. And even when Iâ€™m ready to marry, I want to take my wife to the alter alone,Â and not with a baby in the womb.
Blessings attached to doing it right â€” OC4, Musician
First of all, there must be something striking about this woman that will make me admire her and later fall in love with her. Once Iâ€™m in love with her, every other thing is in place. So, why will I be forcing her to get pregnant before I can officially marry her, when Iâ€™m already in love with her? At this point,Â all Iâ€™ll be asking for is that God directs our path, and not doing something that can cause God to turn his back on us. Do you realise thereâ€™s a blessing thatâ€™s attached to Christian marriage? Why should I joke with this blessing by forcing a woman to get pregnant for me? Love is the ultimate thing in every relationship.