By Yetunde Arebi
HI, It is said that what you donâ€™t know cant hurt you. So, most women love to turn a blind eye to the activities of their men, even when the obvious signs that they are playing around are glaring.
Many are even of the opinion that as long as these other women know the territorial boundaries, there can be no problem. Sadly, many men are also being forced by prevailing global economic and social situations to follow these paths.
But is love or relationship worth preserving when partners are forced to look the other way just to maintain the status quo and not rock the boat, while the other goes about enjoying the licence offered by his/her sex and libido, while endangering the lives of their partners and family members?
Is it not enough emotional and psychological trauma to discover that a spouseÂ is dating someone else? Naturally, one feels hurt, spited, betrayed and cheated. Oftentimes, insecurity and helplessness creeps in, and one begins to wonder for how long one has been deceived to believe in a deceitful partner.
To make matters worse, is the manner with which these discoveries are made. Some are so callous such that the chain of trust is broken and may never be repaired, the relationship ending abruptly.
For those who decide to remain in the murky waters, the seeds of doubt, already sowed, can only lead to a life of suspicion and webs of lies. Some respondents share their experiences with us.. Please, send your contributions/views and opinions on this issue to The Human Angle, Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007, Apapa, Lagos. Or e-mail address: email@example.com cheers!!
Nkcchi (26) a graduate is now serving NYSC in Enugu. Her boyfriend, Bosun (32) an Officer in the Nigerian Army, an indigene of Ondo state also resides in Enugu. They have been dating for over two years now.
On a visit to Bosun in Enugu last year, Nkechi not only met herÂ rival but got the shock of her life:
â€œIt happened last year when I was in my final year at the University. Bosun had been transferred to Enugu about eight months then. I would always visit him and spend some time.
We had been going serious andÂ my parents already knew him. He had also taken me to Ondo to see his parents andÂ we had plans to get married after the service year, despite our ethnic differences. In fact, he had helped influence my posting to Enugu.
It was last year, just before my final papers that I discovered that Bosun was having another affair. I had left for Enugu without prior notice to him when we had one of our usual unrest at the University.
The inconveniences of the journey should have given me some form of premonition that I was in for real disappointment as we did not arrive Enugu until late in the night.
When I got to their Barracks, it was so late that many of the occupants had retired for the night. After much ringing of the door bell, Bosun came to unlock the door, only to stare at me with shock.
â€œWhat are you doing here at this time of the-night? What happened? Why didnâ€™t you tell me you were coming?â€
He bombarded me with so many questions while standing in the doorway. I was already getting annoyed. â€œAm I going to stand here all night because I didnâ€™t inform you I will be coming?
I askedÂ tartly as I pushed my way into the flat while he stared after me, still standing as if rooted to the doorway.
Somehow I suspected that something was wrong because of his attitude. It was unlike him, he didnâ€™t make any move towards me like he always did. I put my luggage in the living room and headed for the kitchen.
Everything was so unlike him as the kitchen was sparkling clean and he had a pot of stew and some cooked rice. He followed me into the kitchen and stood by the doorway again. I made to get myself some food and soft drink from the fridge, while explaining to him what had happened at the Campus.
After getting my food, we moved to the sitting room to eat while I chatted on. He was unusually quiet and looked funny. I asked him if anything was wrong and he said yes.
He told me he had company,Â some girl called in on him unexpectedly, so we will all have to spend the night together since he cannot ask her to leave at that time of the night anymore, moreover she came from Ondo to see him.
He pleaded with me not to create a scene, prostrating in front of me. It was a ridiculous situation and I didnâ€™t know what to do.
A few minutes later, I heard sounds of movement from the bedroom and she came out.
She was dressed in a white night gown and nice-looking too. I guessed she was older than me.
At first, I was afraid, I thought she would fight me. Then I said hello to her and tried to continue with my food. Bosun made the introductions. I could see he was really ashamed of himself and somehow I felt sorry for him.
Adeola went back into the bedroom and Bosun tried to console me some more, but I told him he didnâ€™t have to. 1 also told him I will leave early the following day. He tried to argue, telling me that Adeola will be leaving the next day too.
I turned to see Bosun on top of his girl, making love to her right beside me. It was not something that I expected at all from him, so I was shocked. Of course, Bosun didnâ€™t know that I was watching because I laid very stiff and even numb I guess.
And when it was over, I couldnâ€™t get a wink of sleep till day break.
I was deeply hurt, I felt that not only did he have a steady girlfriend from his own tribe, he also had no regards for me or my feeling. How could he do that to meÂ if he loved me like he claimed.
He still tried to stop me from leaving that next morning, but I wouldnâ€™t listen. I had also woken up to discover that my photograph which stood on top of the Television had been removed.
I didnâ€™t ask him why because I already knew. But I was happy that it had not been replaced by Adeolaâ€™ or someone elseâ€™s.
I told him that I had seen his great performance with his girlfriend, and that since having sex with her despite my presence in the room on the same bed, meant so much to him, he could continue freely with my blessings.
Three weeks later, Bosun came to see me at school. He pleaded and said it was the girl who had seduced him and wouldnâ€™t allow him to sleep.
He said she literarily seized his penis in her hand, kneading him all night and asking him to do it to her.
He claimed he wouldnâ€™t have done it if he new that I was awake.