June 12, 2009

Are you in a healthy relationship? (4)

Sometimes, people believe jealousy depicts love but to what extent would such love keep a relationship going before it begins to suffocate it? Indeed, to a large extent, jealousy could become hazardous to a healthy relationship and can extinct it if not properly tackled. Trust goes a long way and that is what our male contributor Francis is saying in this edition.

According to him, the love his fiancee and live-in-partner professes for him is actually consuming him and he thinks he needs a breathing space or he’ll run mad! Here is his story.

My fiancee’s love is consuming me, Francis, 34.

My fiancée moved in with me four months ago and that opened my eyes  to what I’m going to face in our marriage if nothing is done. My lady is consuming me with jealousy and I don’t know if that is how marriage is meant to be. Ab initio she complained I was not taking notice of her as I ought to. She wants me to take notice of  her all the time. I used to laugh it off when she started complaining but now, I’m practically running crazy.

I thought it was  a big joke but it’s no longer funny. She wants me to buy her body cream and know the type that would suit her skin, the size of her bra, her panties and the type that is most common amongst ladies now. When I buy something for myself, she demands the same thing for herself. I didn’t know as her fiancé, I should know her skin texture and her body make-up and the things that would suit her. She makes it a big deal that I should not only know her body cream but her perfume, her bra-size, her type of under-wear and the fact she prefers G-strings to ordinary panties. It is even funnier that she expects me to purchase these for her when I go to purchase my own stuff which is not very often. I buy stuffs for her occasionally and usually give her money to buy things for herself even though she works.

As if that is not enough, my fiancee expects me to compliment her all the time. She changes her hairstyle every week and adorns all kinds of wigs and weave-ons that I hardly had a feel of her natural hair and she expects me to know all these changes and comment on them. I pay her compliments from time to time and I really appreciate her but she is driving me crazy. I cannot take calls from my female colleagues or exchange jibes with them like we do in the office. She scrutinises my calls and attacks my female callers some of whom are my relations. I come from a close-knit family and we love each other but on many occasions, she threw out my female cousins who came visiting frm the University because she fears they would introduce me to other ladies.

My younger sister lives with me and my fiancee drove away all her friends because they pose a threat to our relationship and according to her, I might be tempted by one of them. My sister feels miserable about this and threatens to leave but I cannot take that because she is the only female of my mother’s seven children and the family appreciates her very much. My mother’s death wish was that she lives with me and I train her in school which I am doing until my fiancee moved in and started spoiling things.

My female friends before I met her don’t call me anymore because of her attitude. I can’t greet my female neighbours and other females  as I used to because of her and some of  these are people I have known for a long time. I am trying very hard to take things easy with my lady but she is driving me crazy. My favourite female cousin breezed in from the UK sometime and immediately she landed my house which was her first place of call, my fiancee engaged her in a battle. I was in the bathroom when I heard someone shouting and I came out and saw my fiancee holding my cousin by the collars. I will never forget the looks on my cousin’s face and this is a very close relation. Her mother is my father’s sister and we grew up together. I was born two years before her and she lived in our house all through before she relocated to the United Kingdom nine years ago.

I appreciate the fact that my fiancee loves me but she s destroying my life. I asked her to move back to her parents until we are formally married but she said she cannot let me out of her sight. She comes to my office without previously informing me and scrutinises every female colleague and reads meanings to the manner I  greet them and picks quarrel .

Only last week, I had a party to celebrate my promotion and my colleagues came to the house. My female cousins including the one that came from the UK  attended with their friends and you cannot believe it. My fiancee quarrelled with two of my female colleagues and my female cousin from the UK before the party ended. She apologised after embarrassing me saying she loves me but her love is killing me and I’m sceptical about going ahead with this marriage.