By Sola Ogundipe

Since last week’s topic entitled: “When Your Sex Life is Boring”, a number of persons have called to ask if sex can ever be bad enough to consider ending a relationship over. Nine out of 10 times, the enquiries are from the men, and 10 times out of 10, the answer is a straight yes. Sex is not just naturally perfect and it doesn’t always end with an earth-shattering climax.

Indeed, good sex doesn’t necessarily have to be about an orgasm. It can just be an emotionally fulfilling experience between partners. However, bedroom issues can make or break a marriage. Experts say every couple has the potential to have good sex if it is willing to put a little effort into it.

It begins with talking about these issues. Couples need to talk about sex. But even long-term couples can struggle in the bedroom and tend to get tongue-tied when it comes to the topic. The sensitivity that surrounds talking about sex often begins and ends outside the bedroom.

Let’s talk about the man. Before you can tell your partner what you want her to do in bed, you need to know what you like. What exactly is about your sex life that bothers you? How do you tell your partner what you want or don’t want without hurting her feelings? Yet if you don’t say what you like or don’t like, you’re not going to get it unless you ask for it.

As a man, if you’re looking to go all night in bed, you’re not alone. Men are always looking to enhance their sexual performance, whether to improve existing problems or to search for new ways to keep their partner happy.

For the man, getting it up is about blood pressure. Everything works on blood pressure. The brain sends signals to the nether regions, which causes vessels to become engorged with blood. It’s the heart that pumps that blood. Basically, what’s good for the heart is good for sexual health.

The truth is, 31 percent of men report having experienced some type of sexual dysfunction from ejaculatory problems, erectile dysfunction, and inhibited desire, all can wreak havoc on relationships—but they don’t have to.

The cause of erectile dysfunction or ED can be physical. Three out of four of those with erectile dysfunction have a medical issue. It can indicate high blood pressure, diabetes, elevated cholesterol, and hardened arteries, all these conditions interfere with blood flow, making it difficult to maintain an erection. Although the occurrence of ED increases with age, it isn’t an inevitable consequence of aging. In fact, it can be treated at any age.

You want to make sure your circulatory system is working at top shape. One of the best ways to improve your health is cardiovascular exercise. While sex might get heart rate up, regular exercise can help sexual performance by keeping the heart in shape. Thirty minutes a day of sweat-breaking exercise—running, swimming, gardening, etc.—can do wonders to boost libido and preparation for the bedroom.

Look at it this way—If you want to be “hot-blooded,” then improve your circulation. Physical fitness increases blood flow, which in theory can make sex more pleasurable since sexual arousal involves increased blood flow to the genital area. And that can increase desire itself—if it feels great, you tend to want to do it more.

The problem might be low libido. Your partner is in the mood, but you aren’t. If you rarely have an interest in sex, you may be suffering from inhibited sexual desire, or low libido. A man with low libido won’t initiate sex, and will avoid his partner’s advances. Low libido can be caused by a number of physical, psychological, and emotional factors, from low testosterone to anxiety or poor communication.

Premature ejaculation is another possibility. This happens when you have an orgasm during sex earlier than you (or your partner) would like. It’s more common than most people think, but it has no particular medical cause. In fact, it usually stems from psychological factors, such as anxiety and guilt.

According to Sexologist Logan Levkoff, author of the eBook How to Get Your Wife to Have Sex With You, real-life sex can almost never measure up to the passion portrayed on the screen or in the movies. The bottom line is that sex isn’t a one-way street and sex in the real world isn’t perfect.

Paying special attention to your partner’s desires not only makes sex pleasurable, but it can also help turn you on or slow you down. Talking about this beforehand can help ease any awkwardness.

You might really love somebody and the sex is never going to be better than just OK. You have to decide whether you can live with that.