Dear Bunmi,

Do you think women really like well-endowed men or not? I always thought it was a good thing to have a large penis – mine is nine inches – but I haven’t had a good reaction from any of the women I’ve slept with. They’ve complained that it hurts when I make love to them and I recently split up with a girl who told me I was the worst lover she’d had – because I had a big penis. I will do anything to make future partners happy. Can you help?
Larry
By e-mail

Dear Larry,
Being well-endowed can be a problem – but it has nothing to do with the actual size of your penis, more your attitude towards it. Men who are on the smaller side often make better lovers because they feel the need to try harder. In fact, most of the nerve endings are concentrated in the first inch of the vagina, so its width rather than length, that’s more important.  Most women – 70 percent or higher – only orgasm ‘through clitoral stimulation, not penetration alone. And that’s best achieved using your tongue and fingers.

So, the myth of the penis being the almighty satisfier is simply not true. In porn films, women faint at the sight of a well endowed man. In real life, they’re more likely to gawp and wonder: “Where does he think he’s putting that?” So, the larger your penis, the more time you need to spend on foreplay, not less. She needs to be fully aroused for it not to hurt. Double the time you spend on foreplay next time – triple it to be on the safe side! Talk to her about what she likes and doesn’t like and take things VERY slowly.

Help, my wife has turned violent!

Dear Bunmi,
My wife has always been very possessive and hates me going out without her, even before we got married nine years ago. Recently though, her jealousy has become so bad that the rows have turned violent. If I talk to another woman at a party, she kicks me viciously under the table, and when we get back home, she attacks me. I try to fend her off, but it is difficult as she is bigger than me.

I have had teeth marks and other bruises and it’s difficult coming up with a story explaining my wounds that my workmates would believe. I’ve also had a nasty gash at the back of my neck after she pushed me backwards off my chair. I’ve tried talking to her but she wouldn’t listen and the violence is getting worse. I’m afraid she might really hurt me one of these days. What else do you think I can do?
Steve
By e-mail

Dear Steve,
Domestic violence against men is one of the last taboos but it’s a growing problem. You need to let your wife see she’s killing your marriage and she must seek help for her anger and jealousy. Make it clear that you will end the marriage if she attacks you again. In the meantime, you have to let a few of her relatives know what danger your life is in. If she won’t change, pack your bags and leave, albeit temporarily, to see sense. If that doesn’t work, then I’m afraid you have to make an alternate plan so you could have a stress-free life.

He prefers this sugar mummy to me
Dear Bunmi,
I knew my boyfriend was romantically linked to a fashion designer almost 16 years his senior when I met him. He was a widower and his lover visited as often as she could because she was married.

As compensation, she was financially responsible for virtually everything he had – the bed, his clothes and second hand car.

After I met him, we started meeting fairly regularly and I even stayed over in his flat from time to time.
He made it clear though, that he was very fond of this older woman and wouldn’t want to hurt her. I asked him if he didn’t want to remarry and he said not in the immediate future. I have seen this woman and she’s not half as pretty as I am.

What in God’s name does he see in her to prefer hurting me like this?
Bago
By e-mail

Dear Bago,
It has been established that a lot of men in relationships with much older women are sometimes the ones who find it difficult to make decisions and take responsibilities for themselves.

They’re happy to let an older woman do it for them, just like their mum did! You knew this man was involved with an older woman when you met him and now he’s not ready to sacrifice his cushy existence for a permanent relationship with you, you could either stay for the fling or find another man who cares enough for you to be proud of a relationship with you.