By Helen Ovbiagele

This topic attracted reactions from more women than usual, so, it must be something that touched the core of their being.  Usually, we have more men writing in to express their views on issues.  This time around I was glad that many women wrote in.

However, some of them wondered why I didn’t include the names of Nigerian women; both those who have made waves and those who are making waves.

This was a deliberate omission so that I could draw our women’s attention to what their fellow women elsewhere in the world are doing to realize their personal ambitions.  Also, the piece was actually about living a life that you believe in, and achieving what you want to achieve for yourself.

It wasn’t about high educational qualifications, high positions, money and political power.  Rather, it was about the tenacity with which you hang on to what you believe in; bent on realizing your ambition to your own self-satisfaction.  It’s like ‘This is what I want to do, and I must do it, by the grace of God, regardless of  what the society feels about my sex, my age, etc. ‘

After all, one hasn’t really lived, if at the end of the long years God has given you, there are unfulfilled dreams simply because you allowed yourself to be discouraged by what people   thought of your ambition.  Even if the odds are high about the venture being successful, one should give it a fair try and get a certain amount of self-satisfaction.  In many instances, we women abandon what we want for ourselves in order to toe the line and please other people.

Of course we do have women in history in our country who were dedicated to improving the lot of women and the masses; e.g. the Aba women rioters, and others, through  their political career – Chief (Mrs.) Margaret Ekpo, Chief (Mrs.) Wuraola Esan,  Chief (Mrs.) Ransome-Kuti, through philantrophy –  Lady Oyinkan Abayomi, Lady Adetokunbo Ademola, Lady Alakija, etc.

In recent times we have career women who have risen to great heights in their professions, and are rendering useful services to the nation.  Some are running NGOs through which they bring solace and relief to the down-trodden, the marginalized, the disadvantaged and the poor.  I salute them all.

“Madam, thank you for that brilliant piece on determined women.  We do have their likes in Nigeria too; across the fields, and classes.  Women who are determined to get to the top  of their careers and professions, and who achieve this with hard work and not through the back door. One should be proud of them. –  Mrs. Hope, Apapa.”

“Mrs. Ovbiagele, I liked your write-up.  It  inspires one not to give up on one’s dreams just because of age and circumstances, and what people would say.  It’s good to hang on in there and have a satisfying life.  We have only this one life to live. –  Thanks, Funke, Ibadan.”

“Helen, I hope women who read your write-up got the message that they shouldn’t allow age and what the society thinks a woman should be, to scuttle that longing for achieving a purpose in their hearts.  If you go by our culture, a woman should be contented to be only what she’s created to be.

That is, look after the home, and don’t look beyond that to do ‘unfeminine’ things like learning how to change a tyre, fix electrical things around the house or do plumbing work.  Go and climb a mountain or go sprinting at an advanced age? Ah, such a woman would be considered unhinged.”

“Madam, I don’t think you can blame the society for women not realizing their ambition; whatever that ambition may be. Yes, there may be some things that may be considered outrageous for a Nigerian woman to do, like mountain-climbing, rowing across the Atlantic, going on Archeological digs, etc., but no-one these days is actually going to tie up any lady who wants to do these daring things to achieve her ambition.  It’s a free country for whatever legitimate thing you want to achieve.

The truth is that some women have great dreams but are unable to do things to put them into reality because they’re too lazy or laid-back to do so.  Some are used to the men in their lives deciding for them how to live their lives.  As for silly comments about ladies at the wheel, I receive them too, from time to time, even though I’m a man.

My offence is that I’m elderly.  I do get shouts of ‘Baba, go get driver’;  Baba comot for road, you no sabi drive again.’  I take all these on the chin because I know that those behind the rude remarks don’t know any better.  My advice is that our women here should not be over-sensitive about what they think the society would think about their ambitions.  Just go ahead and do what you want to do.  Drive even if you’re above 100, and tune out to all snide remarks. – Pa Oluwole,  Oyo Town.”

“My sister, part of the reason why women do not doggedly pursue what their hearts desire here is this ‘mummy, mummy’ business.  Have you noticed that most women above the age of forty are addressed as ‘mummy’ by total strangers; either with a view of getting a favour from her, or, of ridiculing her for whatever purpose?

With that tag, some ladies would feel too ‘mature’ to do things like driving, changing tyres, climbing up a ladder to take things down, that they normally enjoy doing.  I run an electronic/electrical store, and I do like climbing up a ladder to arrange my wares within the shop and outside.

I like the liberty that the act brings as I can start the day quickly and not have to wait for the young traders around to come help me.  Shouts of  ‘mummy mummy don’t do it’, have discouraged me.  I’m told it’s unfeminine, that it shouldn’t be done at my age!  I’m only 43, and I’m in good health. Now,  I’ve resorted to asking for help with something I can do and enjoy doing.  When my husband who’s twelve years older than I drops in to help, no-one tells him not to climb the ladder. –   Ijeoma, Onitsha.”

“Thanks for your July 8 piece.  There are women, and men indeed, who can excel in this country, but for scorn.  I didn’t train as a mechanic but I handle my generator  very well amidst scorn.  I’m going 70 soon. – Agha”

“We’re told in the Bible that anything your hands find to do, we should do it well.  I think that’s what our women should go by.  They should forget about what people would think of a woman doing that thing.  Provided it is something that will not bring shame and disgrace, if it’s your ambition in life to do it, please go ahead and do it, and get your self-satisfaction.  That’s what life’s all about. – Cynthia.”

“Madam, the problem is that in a subtle way, men and culture don’t want women to excel at anything, except of course, looking after the home, their husbands and their children.  They don’t even want you to look good.  I overheard once, a young lady telling her husband that she felt overweight and that she was going to find time to enroll in a gym and do something about it.

I was astonished to hear the man say that her figure was okay for a married woman who was also a mother!  The  poor girl clearly needed to lose some weight not only for a slimmer appearance, but for her health too.  And there was her nearest and dearest telling her she was okay as she was.  I prayed silently that she would have the sense and the courage to do the right thing – enrol in a gym and lose weight. –  Mrs.  Ola, Lagos.

We thank all those who found the time to send in their views.