By Bunmi Sofola

There is currently a subliminal build-up to Christmas.  Wherever you turn, discreet Christmas carols blaring from the stereos of the various record shops assault your ears.  Could it be Christmas already?  Well, this is November and Christmas is only a few weeks away. 

The cable network is awash with weepy Christmas films and fantastic gifts ideas for the festive period that you wonder, in a panic, where you will get the cash to satisfy all the hopefuls that expect Christmas largesse from you, even when you have the cash, you’re not sure if recipients of your gifts will give a passive kiss or a whopping cheer.

Last Christmas, Niran, the deputy managing director of a fairly successful bank came back from one of his numerous overseas trips with an expensive gold Rolex wrist watch for his wife.  His wife had just given him the much awaited son after two daughters and he wanted to show his appreciation.

“I expected her eyes to be on stalks when she opened her gifts, after-all if you were to buy the watch here it would set you back several million of Naira”, Niran said.  “She was overjoyed of course, especially when I pointed out the fact that it was solid 18 carat gold.  When her friends stared at the wrist watch in awe, my wife had to confess she was flattered that I felt she was worth so much and has worn the watch every opportunity she has.  Mentally, she must have wished I’d given her the money! 

“For my own Christmas gift, she gave me an 18-carat gold chain.  I guess she wanted to reciprocate the expensive gesture but it was so embarrassing.  If there is anything I abhor, it is men with gold chains round their necks.  I wore it a few times just to please her before ‘losing it’.  I was touched though that she gave me such an expensive gift.”

If all that gold talk is putting you off making your Christmas shopping list, remember it is a task that must be done.  Seriously though, it is not how expensive the gifts, but how thoughtful.  The way the economy is going, it will be a miracle if you can put any money by for any gifts this Christmas – but your family and friends, not to mention business associates, if you have them, expect gift-wrapped packages.  What you put in those packages is up to your ingenuity.

As for you anxious wives out there, Dr. Rowe, a psychologist offers these solutions you can adapt for those perennial present problem.

Problems:  He tries hard and you don’t want to hurt him, but he never gets anything you like.  The right thing to do is to say you love his gifts, but you’ve seen something he couldn’t better.  As if that can be your main present – he can always surprise you with little ones too.

Problem:   He never likes the present you give him, but he never tells you what he wants.  Rowe says he’s being manipulative and childish.  Tell him unless he says what he wants, you will use the money to take you both out for a Christmas meal.  That way, you regain control  And if he spends loads of money, but you’d rather he paid less and thought more, it could be a reflection of lack of thought about your emotional needs.  So tell him how you feel.

Do you earn more than your partner and want to splash out without embarrassing him?  Arrange a joint present so the emphasis isn’t on how much you’ve spent.  Maybe a fabulous trip to a neighbouring country or if you have a shared hobby, a piece of equipment you can both use.  Buy something less expensive so you can swap ‘equally’ on the day.  If his own gifts to you always seem like last-minute after thoughts and it upsets you, find out how he feels about Christmas.  If he hates it, his presents aren’t a reflection of what he thinks of you.  Look at other treats he gives you during the year to see if he’s giving enough emotionally.

Smart Alec 

Answers (Humour)

Why are some men so bad at driving?

They pull out and don’t care who else is coming.

What do Soya beans and vibrators have in common?

They’re both a substitute for meat.

Why are bankers good in bed?

Because they know what the penalty is for an early withdrawal.

Why is marriage like a bath?

Because it’s not so hot once you get used to it.

Why did God make man before woman?

You need to do a rough draft before you make your final copy.

What’s the difference between sin and shame?

It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out.

How Dumb Can You Get?

A rather dim man named Tom wants to earn some cash.  He decided to hire himself out as a handy man and starts by canvassing a wealthy neighbourhood.  At the first house, he asks the owner, Gerald, if he needs any odd jobs doing.  “You can paint my porch, Gerald says.  “I’ll pay you N2,000.  The paint’s in the garage”.  So Tom heads for the garage.

Gerald’s wife overhears the conversation.  “Gerald”, she calls, “does he realise that the porch goes all the way around the house?”  “He should”.  Gerald replies.  “He was standing on it”.  A short time later, Tom returns to collect his cash.  “Crikey!” Gerald exclaims.  You’ve finished already?”  “Yep”, replies Tom.  “And I had some paint left over, so I gave it two coats”.  Impressed, Gerald reaches into his pocket for N2,000.  “Oh, and by the way,” Tom adds knowingly, “that’s not a porch – it’s a Ferrari”.