My Francis Ewherido

In the last 14 years,  my wife and I have been sponsors to 10 couples getting married. The job  of the sponsor in the church has nothing to do with giving financial support to the couples marrying, although no be crime if sponsors give. The sponsors’ job is to encourage, guide and advise new couples to make their marriages successful. Ordinarily new couples are advised to work out their differences and avoid bringing third parties into their marriages.

But sometimes things boil over, especially for young couples, and it is the responsibility of the sponsors to ensure that the situation is resolved amicably. Being a sponsor places enormous weight on you. You cannot give what you do not have, so you are supposed to make your own marriage work and give advice based on experience, unless you want to be hypocritical. Being a sponsor is also like parenthood.

File: Marriage

You should sponsor only the number of couples you will have time for. At 10, I have hit my peak. In fact, I have to confess that I am not in touch with three of the couples we sponsored in our earlier years of matrimony, which is a failing on my part. Anyway, our last “babies” are Dr. and Dr. (Mrs.) Oliver Otite. These two brilliant Nigerians of Urhobo extraction are among the legion of young Nigerian professionals holding their own in the United States. Incidentally, the parents of Onoriode, the bride, Dr. and Dr. (Mrs.) Michael Arienmughare were our sponsors 16 years ago.

The American-style wedding with heavy Nigerian flavour took place in Boerne (pronounced Bernie), a town near San Antiono, Texas. It was a simple but very impressive, colourful and fulfilling ceremony. Nigeria was literally transported to America. Majority of the family members and guests were in Urhobo attire of wrapper and flowing tops with bowler hats and coral beads to complement, not forgetting adjudju(traditional hand fan) and okpo(walking stick).

Many parishioners of St. Peter the Apostle Catholic Church, where the wedding took place, had apparently not seen such a spectacle before. And did they like it? They were wowed. The parish priest, Fr. Norman Ermis, mentioned it again to the congregation at the 9a.m. Sunday Mass the next day.

The reception was also very Nigerian, even though it followed American tradition with pre-dinner cocktail. The cocktail was a combination of fruits, veggies and small chops with assorted drinks. Dinner was totally Nigerian: egusi soup and pounded yam, yam porridge, fried rice, jollof rice, chicken and fish stew, goat meat pepper soup, moi moi, etc. I saw some American guests taking jollof rice and pounded yam.

Do not ask me how they combined them. I was aching to find out, but I thought that would be rude and not dignifying of a sponsor. But when I watched from afar later, I saw empty plates, half eaten pounded yam and untouched pounded yam wraps.

Music too was 95 per cent Nigerian. It was apparent our “exports” are very much abreast of Nigerian music and dance steps. Watching the young Nigerians as they danced away, I had mixed feelings. I was proud and happy to be a Nigerian because many of them are well educated professionals in the US doing decent jobs, not washing toilets, sweeping streets or doing dishes in restaurants, no disrespect to people who do these jobs.

I was also happy that they are not drug pushers, pimps, prostitutes or ex-convicts. I celebrate these 11 apostles who are flying our national flag rather than worry about the Judas who has decided to betray us and drag us in the mud. I was, however, sad because I know some of them to be the brightest and best brains in their generation who would have been very useful here, especially now that CHANGE is in the air, no politics intended. Lest I forget, there was spraying o! How the ceremony for take complete without spraying? At least, it is not a crime to spray in America.

The coming together of the Arienmughares/Ovadjes and the Otites reinforced some of my beliefs in family and matrimony. One, the extended family system is good. It was heartwarming seeing uncles, aunts and other relatives of the bride and groom from all over America, Europe and Nigeria. But the extended family is better when prosperity and accomplishments are spread. Being a lone big tree is not good enough.

If you are one of such, try to water the other trees. If they are unresponsive, plant new trees, if possible. A lone tree will never make forest. And if a tornado, hurricane or storm comes, it can easily get blown away. A family of many heavyweights/middleweights is far better than a family of one heavyweight and many Lilliputians. God has given us all various talents. Family members should be encouraged to develop theirs for their own good and the good of all.

Two, it is good to be good. The goodwill of the parents was apparent. The Urhobo and Delta State communities in America came to rejoice with the families. Some travelled four hours by air; some spent two days travelling by road. By the way, Texas road network is the best I have seen and they are building more as if it is a virgin city. They sure know how to anticipate and plan for the future.

Three, the best legacies you can bequeath to children remain good education and integrity. It was nice running into old family friends who inherited no houses, shares and large bank accounts from their parents. All they got were a good upbringing and education, which have been sufficient for them to conquer their worlds.

This is a lesson to all who are pursuing careers, money and other mundane accomplishments to the detriment of proper upbringing of their children. You are simply building on sand. God first, your family is second. Every other thing is number three, four and so on.