NIGERIA as the saying goes is a mere geographical expression. The task to turn that expression into a Nation has been seemingly lost and appears totally unrealisable. The last general elections proved this completely. Political parties were proven to be nothing better than paper tigers. When the shove came to shove, States that have supported a particular political party for 16 years dumped the party on the quick sand of tribal loyalty by as much as 97%. That to me was the end of party politics in Nigeria and the triumph of tribal loyalty.

Post the elections; it appears as if most of us in the South do not realise that Nigeria has receded to 1960s politics when it was clear and direct which party will be the largest party after every election. We are still prattling about PDP and APC, when the pigeon has left the bag and the only elephant in the room is now tribe. Those of us in the South eastern part of Nigeria came out of the elections somewhat flummoxed, but it now appears that our options are cut out for us. There are two options: play opposition politics or the second option of joining the winning party. The much more dignifying option, which appears to be the prevailing adopted option, is that of playing opposition politics. But my main query is: To what purpose? Are we playing opposition politics, like the presumed Action Group part of the South West did for donkey years only for the sole purpose of securing the proverbial spare tyre position? Are we playing opposition politics in order to make a Sani Yerima or Kwakwanso President after many years of opposition politics and then we will immediately start moaning about their being parochial? We must learn from the bitter lessons that our brothers in South west are currently experiencing.

The solution is really quite simple. It is never late to worship a god. It will also not be the first time that a whole tribe did a volte face in Nigerian politics and joined the winning side. The South west did that with Obasanjo post 1999 elections and reaped “dividends” from their somersault.  The South east must “out-sycophant” other parts of Nigeria immediately. If they are shouting fe-buhari or march4buhari, we must start shouting “Okechukwu our Son”. Our voice must be louder than that of all other tribes in Nigeria. We can start with erecting the statues of our President in every major city in the South east and inviting him to commission the statues amid fanfare and jubilation by our children. We must silence our children who are wailing on the social media and turn them into Soldiers for the President. We shall proclaim every available achievement in Nigeria as achievements of the President. Once the DISCOS bring light, every child in the Southeast must be taught to shout “Sai Buhari!” in jubilation. After all it is his body language that brought electricity to Nigeria in the first place.

Sycophancy as they say is not a matter for small children. It is a matter that requires strong and bold men that know how to grovel. We actually have good experience in this regard. Daniel Kanu of the “Youths Earnestly Ask for Abacha” fame must be brought back to Nigeria from wherever he has travelled to. He must immediately re-energize his group and ensure that a ten million man march is made to Abuja immediately proclaiming the South east total deification of our beloved President.   Post haste, we must anoint a tribal Czar. Preferably one who is versed in the act of godfatherism. The inimitable Chris Uba appears to be the overwhelming choice for this groveling task that requires strong men. A man that  single handedly elected all the representatives of a state in Nigeria and then the Governor, not to add winning 97 percent of the votes cast for a sitting president is no push over. He shall be the go-between for any person from the South east that wants to relate to the President. Any person that tries an alternative route must be lynched by the South east press immediately. With Chris Uba in tow, our task of collective sycophancy is well and truly on the way.

For this brave task to be accomplished, we really don’t need to dump PDP and APGA for APC. That will be too new fashioned and obvious. We can consult our history book, especially the page that deals with Bola Ige’s five fingers of a leprous hand.   We should take immediate steps to make sure that both PDP and APGA jointly appoint General Buhari as their respective “party leader.” After all, you don’t need to win any election to be a party leader in Nigeria. This of course will be a prelude to his obvious choice as the joint Presidential candidate of all the parties in 2019.

Cynics may be asking what the South east stands to gain from this convoluted melt down, after all the President has made it clear that he will favour the people that gave him 97% of the votes, and that certainly does not include the South east. The short answer is that a new war has been on since the last general elections between the South east and the South west. The new motif is that both sides don’t really care how much the North ill-treats them, so long as they ill-treat the other side worse. For most irredentist in the South west, even if the new Northern Hegemonists deprive the South west of their entitlements, they will not complain insofar as the South east gets treated worse. All the key appointments to the North are based on merit, so long as the South East is deprived of a single appointment. It really matters little that the South West gained absolutely nothing in real terms.  This war of attrition must be fought until the South surrenders any claims of equality with the Northern Hegemonist. We shall not retreat in this task of brave groveling. We shall not surrender.

Mr. Emeka Odikpo, a legal practitioneer, wrpte from Lagos.