By Yetunde Arebi

Hi! The issue of polygamy, that arrangement that allows a man marry more than one wife,   needs no introduction especially in our part of the world. Though this practice seems no longer fashionable, due largely to cultural and religious shift, factors against it have not been overwhelming enough to cause a radical and total change of general perception.

Many who wield the Bible (famously quoted as anti-polygamy) in one hand, step on the pulpit to castigate and condemn so-called adulterers, have hardly been doing so with clean hands. Many of them   cannot but take a second and third look, rather than pluck out the offending eye, or cut off the offending arm or “third leg” that will cause them to “sin”.

The story of Bisola and Akin resonated the debate on this topic sometime ago on this page. Bisola, after several years of struggling with the fact that her husband was not faithful to their vows finally discovered the evidence right inside her home. Akin was in fact, raising another family besides the one they have together. Threatening thunder and brimstone, Bisola has been throwing all sorts of tantrums known with women.

Should she   sacrifice her home at the altar of her ego?  If a wife can share her husband with his numerous girlfriends in silence, why should she raise dust or   feel threatened if he takes another wife? Are girlfriends less dangerous than wives? Can someone out there just sincerely tell me what our headache really is about polygamy, besides religion? I will be glad to know and educate other Nigerians with your contributions.

Remember that this issue is a contemporary one, so there is no time limit. As I have previously stated, we are not ending this discussion any time soon. My mail address remains: yetty5050@yahoo.co.uk or inthesunlovezone@yahoo.com. Do have a wonderful weekend!

Good day Yetunde,

I will really want to know if you are a male or female. You so much talk about religion and western influence. Would we rather go back to the barbaric age when things like polygamy, killing of twins, outcast system, etc were the order of the day?  Religion and westernisation are not my craving either. I rather prefer to keep things simple. The golden rule is my philosophy, “do to others as you would have them do to you”.

I do not have a problem with a man having   a wife and having other women, mistress or wives or whatever you wish to call them, provided that the man equally does not mind that those women in his life, (the wife, concubine, mistress, 2nd wife, etc) have and keep other partners as well. This will truly enthrone the animal kingdom in which there will be sexual freedom. Adultery will no more be a vocabulary and I bet you there will no more be bitterness.

This bitterness is the cause of a lot of vices and sicknesses we have today. I strongly believe this bitterness needs to be extinct. Once we agree on, you for me and me for you, or you for me and others and me for you and others, peace will reign. Please note that all these need to be spelt out at the beginning of the game/relationship. No changing of the rule midway.

I will love to get a reply from you.

Ucheamba

Dear Yetunde,

To me, polygamy is not a bad idea. God should lead us well and put the spirit of tolerance in our heart   as men.

anuonyx5

Dear Yetty,

Of a truth, traditionally and religious wise, there is nothing wrong with polygamy. The love for material things is the cause of the jealousy plotted by the West to curtail African growth. May God see us through.

jocklaw2

Hello Yetunde,

Below is my response on your article. Before now, I have been thinking and researching on it. The few points below give you another perspective and probably help or enlighten some folks out there.

When people especially fellow Christians talk about their dislike for polygamy, I laugh.

1. The title of your article should not be “Is polygamy really bad?”. It should be: “Why Monogamy if Faulty” (hmm?)

If you read the Bible very well, you will see that polygamy is one of the mechanisms God designed  to make sure that every lady/woman that wants to get married does so.

1. Yetunde, I advise you to do your own independent research on it and you will concur with me. That was the path I took.
2. It will not surprise you that the major actors of the Bible are polygamous. Few of them are Moses,  Gideon, Ezra, Abraham, Jacob, Caleb, Solomon, Simeon, Zedekiah, Elkanah, Abijah, Jehoram and Manasseh.

It is recorded in the Bible that God had a wonderful relationship with these people, disciplining them for various transgressions but not for marrying more than one wife. When people say polygamy is a sin, I often ask, how, from where in the Bible? The answer they will give are usually tenuous, lack substance and a mismatch of Bible passages. Moses saw God, we are still claiming Abraham’s Blessings.

5. The most powerful verse in the Bible that shows that God designed and approved of polygamy is in 2ndSamuel 12:8. It reads :  “And I GAVE thee thy master’s house, and thy master’s WIVES into thy bosom, and gave thee the house  of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too LITTLE, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things.”

The word was given out by God to David after He committed adultery with Bathsheba, wife of Uriah the Hittite. At this point in David’s life, David had already been married to at least SEVEN known- named wives. (1_Samuel 18:27, 25:42-43, 2_Samuel 3:2-5.).  God condemned David for committing adultery – going to bed with another man’s wife and re-confirmed that if David wanted more WIVES, God will GIVE him more WOMEN instead of sleeping with another man’s wife.

6. Monogamy emanates from Roman Empire, do your research on it. Before then, most societies including the early Christians were polygamous.

Throughout the history of mankind, the number of MARRIABLE females are always higher than the number of  MARRIABLE  male. Look  around your family, your office, your church or mosque, your neighborhood,  do your research on this and you will confirm it. The only exception is in China and India where women abort female foetus.

In a natural course of human development,  MARRIABLE female population always outstrips  MARRIABLE  male population. Do your research, go to our Universities, ask the Sociology Lecturers or Professors, they will confirm it to you.

6. The Christian houses (especially Pentecostals) that are strongly monogamous have been milking the female population out of this forced anomaly by  organising different programmes to help the female folks. Some Orthodox Churches and African churches from which  Pentecostals came out from, allow  Polygamous Unions.

The more the spread of  Pentecostalism, the more the challenge of unmarried adults. We  are only leaving leprosy to cure rashes.

9. Before the advent of the strong wave of Pentecostal in Africa and Nigeria in particular and its strong monogamous teachings, you will hardly find a woman without a husband. The most is  that she will be married as a Second or Third wife, have her Children and live her life.

The excuse given are that the wives will be fighting or always fight. There are both positive and negative examples on both side of Monogamous and Polygamous Setting.

9. Find it out, the societies that are mostly monogamous have the highest rate of divorce compared to societies that are polygamous. Why? I will keep the answer to myself.

Talk to a lady that really wants to get married, and you will know the kind of pressure that she is into. She will be told to wait, pray,  fast, look nice, smile more, be humble more. What angers me more is what is being taught, that for every woman, there is a man. I hear it mostly on Sundays. IT IS BLANTANT LIE.   Refer to my point Seven (7) stated above.

Polygamy is a mechanism God has given unto to us. Mankind has always used it to solve this natural population challenge. It is a union only the BOLD will admit. We are only ignoring it at our own peril, and for the benefit of those people making money from it – organising Singles Summit and Deliverance Sessions.

Go and ask family members of those that have ladies in their thirties and forties not married. It is a CONSTANT SERIOUS PAIN in the heart. The fault  is not only that of the lady, but every one of us. But because of what people will say, because of what Pastor or “Mummy” will say, for the fear of excommunication, not being allowed to take Holy Communion again, losing the privilege of their religious setting, she will stay put.

The Bold of the female folks are now taking unusual steps. You see a few with pregnancies. Don’t ask them foolish questions, they are only emancipating themselves from the shackles that we all have put them into. For those that want to condemn them, I pray that they or their daughters will not be in such a situation to take such drastic step.

9. If a man has the ABILITY and CAPACITY to marry more than one wife, and he wants to do so, let him do so intimating and seeking the consent his first or prior wives.

I will conclude this with a Yoruba Proverb: To ba ko iwaju sie, taa, ti o ba ko eyin sie, taa, ti o ba ku iwo nikan, ki o tun ero ara e pa (In summary, no matter  what others or society are saying, the buck stop with you, take the best decision for yourself).

Bola Davis

“And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, “ (Matthew

19:4).

Peterkings Big Brain