THERE is a cliché often repeated by all and sundry in Nigeria, in spite of the fact that it has little or no bearing with reality. This says: “Police is your friend.” 

ONE of the seminal quotes of Wole Soyinka, Africa’s first Nobel laureate, was written while he, a Yoruba man, was in prison, fighting the injustice meted against the Igbo.  Said Soyinka: “The man dies in all who keep silent in the face of tyranny.”

WHEN the incredible issue of a missing/counterfeited 2016 budget arose some weeks ago, I was expecting to hear from the APC that Goodluck Jonathan was to blame. Surprisingly, that did not happen. Instead, blame was traded between the Presidency and the National Assembly, seemingly forgetting that both organs of government are now controlled by the same APC.

The stock-in-trade of this government is to blame Goodluck Jonathan for everything. If there is petrol shortage: Jonathan is to blame. If there are power cuts, Jonathan is to blame. If there are Boko Haram killings, Jonathan is to blame.

THERE are so many things wrong with the PDP. It is an understatement to insist it is a very imperfect political party. But for everything that is wrong with the PDP, the APC is worse. It is ludicrous to pretend the APC is squeaky-clean while the PDP is corrupt when a large chunk of APC members were formerly in the PDP. Today, both the Senate president and the Speaker, for example, are former PDP members. These turncoats did not become new creations when they crossed over to the APC.

IF I were to ask you to name one or two countries that can be said to be friends of Nigeria, my guess is you would be hard-pressed to answer. The truth is that Nigeria is a lone-ranger in international relations. We have no friends. There is virtually no country we can run to or rely on in a time of need. If anything speaks eloquently of the failure of Nigeria’s diplomacy, it is our failure to cultivate friends and allies in international relations in 55 years of independent nationhood.

THE Yorubas and the Igbos, two of the most resourceful, engaging and outgoing ethnic groups in Nigeria, are becoming implacable enemies. Increasingly, they seem to hate one another with pure hatred. I never appreciated the extent of their animosity until the social media came of age in Nigeria. Now, hardly a day passes that you will not find Yorubas and Igbos exchanging hateful words on internet blogs.

IF there is anybody I can vouch for in Buhari’s Cabinet, it is Senator Udoma Udo Udoma. I have known him, and his best friend Keem Bello Osagie, for 30 years. All three of us are graduates of Oxford University, England, although I was there before him and Keem. Udoma is as sharp as a razor; he is one of the most intelligent people I know. Better still, he is a man of unimpeachable integrity. Udoma cannot be bought. He has a very successful law practice; the last thing he would do is fiddle public funds.

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf was the Minister of Information in the dying days of Saddam Hussein’s regime in Iraq. Nicknamed “Comical Ali” by British tabloids, al-Sahaf made a fool of himself during the Iraqi war by constantly fabricating victories of the Iraqi army, even as territory after territory fell to the American-led allied forces.

FABU” is a Yoruba slang denoting an exaggerated lie. It points to a tall tale; a gross distortion of the truth. “Fabu” is a shortened form of the English word “fabulate,” which refers to the composition of fables or stories featuring a strong element of fantasy and lies. Without a doubt, within the Nigerian political stratosphere, APC is a party that lives in “fabuland.”

I WALKED into the east wing of The Palms shopping mall in Lekki, Lagos (popularly referred to as Shoprite); only to be buttoned-holed by a man trying to sell me a Honda Civic parked inside the hall.