By Bunmi Sofola

It’s no longer news that a lot of women today would give an arm and a leg to look their best all the time, forever spending fortunes on cosmetics, clothes and attending expensive gyms. It stands to reason, therefore, that today’s man has to make more efforts towards not only netting the woman of his dream but complimenting her beauty regiment.

No longer will sloppily dressed men be tolerated nor men who pong something horrible in the name of being macho.

“Today, men are actually being forced to reconsider themselves and know how they appear to women,” observes Steve, a top advertising executive, “lately, advertisements are beginning to approach men’s image and sexuality. It’s no longer a matter of not just telling men to buy a product which will magically do everything for them. What we do now is subtly say to men: “Look at yourself, try and imagine how the opposite sex sees you and use the product as part of your own self-transformation. If a woman can put so much effort into looking good, the least you could do is meet her half way.”

Some months back, a middle aged man burst into his friend’s office, dying of excitement. “The cheque for that business we executed came through”, he yelled. Gosh! Am I rich!” After the usual congratulatory whoops, he then asked his friend what he should do with the money. “How much are we talking about?” the friend asked. My eyes widened with awe when he mentioned the amount. Did profits from executing just one contract amount so much these days? “Invest half,” advised his friend. “Buy one good car for yourself and a fairly used one for your wife so you both have two cars, then surrender yourself to the capable hands of a good designer and change all those ‘fuji reggae’ gears you wear!” The next time I saw our nourveau riche, not only did he have new gears on, he spotted a walking stick and a swagger to match!

That is why, the new male ads in some of our glossy magazines parade well-groomed men with lip-gloss to boot! “The subtle message here.”

Continues Steve, “is that these ads also depict women in the sexual driving seat, ogling at a man, assessing his body, deciding if he is ‘good enough.’

Such behaviour has until now, been the prerogative of men (witness the years of the exploitation of the female body in advertising). Now that women can pick and choose whom they want to be seen with, the ladies have turned like the proverbial worm. As men and women quite literally swap their sexual roles, women will become highly critical and less prepared to settle for second best. Just as women have always been starkly divided into ‘desirable’ and ‘undesirable’ so it is that men could soon find themselves being separated out in similar fashion. These days, we see a group of women who display the male tendency to compete aggressively for the best catches, leaving to one side, a surplus run of less attractive…and of course – sexually dissatisfied men.”

A lot of men now confess they’re constantly being rejected by women while quite a number, married or not, walk away with the best. These are men who have invested time and money on their looks – they waft the best after-shave and colognes, wear designer native and continental clothes, visit expensive salons that boast of well-equipped gyms and get rid of their beer-bellies.

“Lazy men, who either trough ignorance or trough sheer male conceit have forgotten their grooming regime (if ever they had one!) tell you they don’t need women; that they could get one any time they wanted but they prefer to go to seedy beer parlour. They have given up on women, though they would never admit it. Such men tend to have an exaggerated regard to macho values which are expressed in threatening behaviour or even downright contempt for women.

“If men in their late 50s and 60s make effort to dye their hair in flattering colours, not in the jet-black one that makes them look anaemic. I see no reason why younger men shouldn’t put in more effort,” concludes Steve.

“You see some of your mates with scary white hair and you wonder if they ever bothered to have a look in the mirror. Mind you, grey hair looks distinguished on some men but on others, it makes them look as if they’ve just been released from a refugee-camp!”

Drawing The Line Between Rape And A One-Night-Stand!

WHAT sort buzz, drives a man to one-night-stand, relationships? Lola had accompanied her friend to her ex-husband’s birthday party, hoping to have the good time she promised. “He has birthday bashes annually”, said Lola, “and my friend has stayed friends with her ex because he was a good provider even when their marriage wasn’t really working.

“He is a real clown, more a Jack-the-dad than the successful man he’s turned out to be. The party, apart from it not being a landmark one, was elaborate – good food, good booze and a good crowd. The music was a jazzy mix. Later in the evening, I stood outside the busy toilet when he said I could use the one in his bedroom. I wasn’t there one minute, when he burst in and was all over me. I was shocked. He mumbled that he’d been watching me all evening; that he’d found me attractive for ages, and all those mushy things men say when they are in heart. I was shocked and terribly embarrassed. I had never given him the impression I fancied him.

“I tried to beat him off but he was too strong. Unfortunately, my knickers were already round my ankles and he raped me there and then. He was out of the toilet before I knew what had happened! I felt so used and humiliated and when I got back to the party, I thought every-one would know what had happened to me. But they all just carried on enjoying themselves. My rapist didn’t as much as look my way and when we left, he even saw us off telling my friend what a beautiful lady I was. I felt so humiliated, I wanted to blurt out what happened but who would believe me?”

Kayode prided himself on being a good one-night-stand man. “I simply love the challenge of bedding a girl the first time I met her, if I find her attractive, that is”, he bragged. “The moment I clamp my eyes on a victim, the possibilities start running through my mind. Will we be sexually compatible? Will I come too quickly or won’t I be able to come at all?” One night stands have a habit of cropping up, if not often, then once in a while, especially nights when there is too much flirting and drinking at parties, giving you too much build-up opportunity. Then you kid yourself that the chemistry between you and your victim is right and then, wham!

“Of course, I’ve burnt my fingers from time to time. I’ve discovered, for instance, that my prowess between the sheets – if you call it that – has become topic for conversation at some female get together during the course of their now frequent drinking chin-wags. Women, like men, now freely discuss their sexual escapades and I’ve listened to a few deride the techniques of some really influential men. Makes your flesh crawl at times!

“They are certainly more brazen than men especially when they’ve had a few drinks. So, it’s not only men that are the predators. Some women offer you sex on the platter when it is the furtherest thing from your mind!”