By Bunmi Sofola

JOKE, a secondary school teacher married to James for close to 19 years tried not to raise her three children the way she’d been raised.  “My father was very authoritarian and we were all in awe of him He was such a bully that mum dared not cross him.  Prospective girlfriends and boyfriends were met furtively behind their parents back, because whenever dad cottoned on to any of the children being ‘toasted’ there would be hell to pay.

“After I graduated from the university, I worked briefly in a private secondary school before I founded my own nursery and primary school.  All my four children went to private schools and when Tolu, my eldest daughter was 16, I discovered she had a boyfriend.  I encouraged her to bring him home, but what I didn’t know then was that he was 22 not 17 as I’d been told and an undergraduate.  I was a bit concerned that he was older, but Tolu was besotted.  I had taught her right from wrong and hoped she would be sensible enough not to let things go too far.

“The change in her was gradual at first.  She started wearing provocative clothes and lots of make up.  She became secretive and at times, was downright rude, but I wrote it off as just normal teenage behaviour.  Then one Saturday night she didn’t come home.  She told me she was going out with friends, but when she wasn’t home by 1a.m., I was beside myself with worry.  ‘Where have you been?’  I screamed when she eventually rolled  home in the early hours and we had a blazing row, followed by lots of tears when I slapped her out of anger and frustration.

“Sadly, that was only the beginning.  A few months later, her principal called me to ask why Tolu had been missing classes.  I’d had no idea and when I challenged Tolu about it later, she looked terrified – then she broke down in tears and I learned the awful truth, she told me she had been sleeping with her boyfriend and that he’d also encouraged her to have sex with his much older friends and an uncle.  The heart-wrenching fact was that she was also encouraged to do drugs.  ‘I didn’t know what was going on’, she told me sadly, ‘most of the time I was out of it on drugs’.  I couldn’t believe it.  Why didn’t she tell me?  One minute she had been my little girl, the next she was drugged up, having sex with strange men.

If you’re wondering why the police are not cracking down on these predators turning young girls into sex objects, here is what a top police spokesman has to say: under-aged girls selling sex on the streets is a real concern, but what worries me most is the number of girls being sexually exploited in private homes. This is on the rise and although we know who some of the perpetrators are, we can’t bring charges without the girls’ consent.  The girls are willing partners to begin with, but they soon find they’re being sexually exploited.  The men who control them have a lot to lose and are highly manipulative to protect themselves.

“We view the prostitution of under aged girls as child abuse, which is also how it is regarded by the law.  We work to protect children and ensure abuses are caught and protected.  We also welcome the changes now being considered by the law which will strengthen cases against sex offenders and reform the law on sexual offences by imposing longer sentences.”

In Honour of Single Mums!

Single mums can sometimes feel that every problem in society – from increased violence to emotionally stunted, under-achieving offspring – is laid at their door.  But it’s not all doom and gloom.  Here are five reasons experts give for single mums to be cheerful…

A child happy with one loving parent:-    Living with both parents isn’t as important to a child’s happiness as having one person who loves him unconditionally.  So, if your ex is no longer in control, you can make up for his absence.  And if your relationship was difficult, your child could be better off with just you.  Research shows it’s the children of parents who stay together despite constant conflict who suffer the most damage.

Your going to work doesn’t ruin his life:-   Despite research claiming that a child’s performance at school is affected if mum works, recent report has found nothing of the kind.  A study by Bristol University tracked the development of 14,000 children over 10 years and found that, in terms of psychological well being and behaviour, the children of working single mums did just as well as those whose mums stayed at home.

You have more time for your child:-   If there’s a man in the house, a woman’s workload is increased by at least eight hours a week, and that means less time to spend with the kids.  A man also consumes a significant chunk of mum’s attention.  Single mums, however, aren’t tied to their partner’s demands and so can spend more time with their children.

A suitable male role model doesn’t have to be Dad:-  One criticism of single mums is that their kids grow up without a male role mode – but male family members and friend will do just as well as the real father.  Besides, if your ex was a heavy drinker or violent, he wouldn’t be a good influence anyway.

Your kids can still find the perfect partner-   Some research claims that kids raised in single-mother homes are more likely to have problems with adult relationships than those raised in two parent homes.  But a study found that 43 per cent of adult children of divorced parents were happily married – about the same percentage as those who grew up in two-parent homes.  Another study found that kids were more likely to find true love if they had a warm, supportive relationship with their mum.

A reporter’s job is never easy!  (Humour)

“Go and get a good story”, demanded the news editor.  “Go sniff out some local culture and don’t come back until you’ve got something”.  The young journalist drove into the ancient part of the city and spotted an old man sitting in a rocking chair on his porch.  “Evening Sir”, he said.  “I’m writing some stories on the way things used to be.  I wonder if you’ve got any good experiences from the past?”

Oh yes, lad, park yourself down here”, replied the old man, “now let me think”.  There was a few moments of silence and then the old man began.  “Well, there was this one time when me and the boys had drunk a lot of whiskey and we lost our old donkey.  It took ages to find the daft bugger but when we did, we all shagged it unmercifully”.  The journalist shifted uncomfortably and said he didn’t think that was quite what the newspaper was looking for.  “Well, there was another time when we’d all had a couple of bottles of rum and I lost my wife.  But it was alright, an hour later we found her and screwed her rigid”.  “Oh no, no”, said the journalist, squirming at the thought, “no, I couldn’t use that”.  Suddenly, the old man looked very sad.  “You know there was another time when I got lost …”