I am in my 40s, with a  family. I have a husband who cares for his family but who is rather bossy.

He sometimes disapproves of the clothes I wear and hates me having anything to do with my divorced single friends.

My children too take advantage of my easy-going nature and disobey me from time to time. I have a shop on Lagos Island.

Sometimes I find it difficult to recover debts owed by my stubborn customers. 

My best friend has always told me that I should be more assertive, but whenever I try to be aggressive, it turns to a quarrel and I end up being miserable.

I want to be able to tell people how I feel about the way they treat me without feeling guilty.

Oye, by e-mail.

Dear Oye,

One thing you should know by now is that the more you let people walk all over you, the more they take you for granted.

You should know what you want; sticking to your decision is something you have to work at.

And once you make up your mind, as long as you know you’re right, don’t waver. You can’t go through life without hurting people.

As for the children, you need to be stern with them if you want them to be disciplined adults. Try to talk with your husband about how you feel.

It might take him a while to loosen some of his hold on you. But once he does, together you can then tackle the children’s upbringing.