By Bunmi Sofola

As encouraging as texts from you readers are about my helping towards your losing your sexual inhibitions, a recent letter from a reader who simply called herself Monique left a dirty smile on my face!  She wrote: “I married young, in my early 20s and it was no surprise that it hit the rocks a few years after. Even though my husband was much older, he expected some standards that my young life hadn’t prepared me for. 

After we split, I had some one night stands and wasn’t in a hurry to get hitched again. As luck would have it, I ran into Tunde at a party, had what I thought would be a fling with him but which later turned into mutual admiration.

“I knew he was the one for me, the man I could happily have children with, so we got married.  Married life was amazing – I’d never felt so much passion.  We went on to have three lovely children then life settles into a rut.  With both of us working, looking after the children and the home, all the fun and spontaneity went out of sex.  “By now we’d been married for close to ten years, so we didn’t really mind.  We both agreed that having kids was the best thing that’d ever happened to us.  And our marriage was strong and stable though a far cry from the passionate early years.

“I thought I would resent my dwindling sex life, especially judging by the fun I’d had in the past, but because I loved my husband so much it didn’t bother me.  Early last year, however, a friend invited me to her birthday party.  She always insisted on a ‘wives only’ party.  The husband only dropped their wives, have a quick drink, then beat a hasty retreat until the wives phoned to be picked up much later.  We usually discuss naughty topics, and dance to our heart’s content.  I almost didn’t make this particular one as I was recovering from a bought of malaria fever, but my husband urged me to go so I could cheer myself up.  I was glad I did!

“Chioma, a ‘happy go-lucky’ beautician just came back from one of her trips.  She zipped opened her pandorax box and different shapes and sizes of vibrators spilled out-all in different colours too!  We all shrieked with excitement as we checked the prices and their functions.  Our hostess knew about my sexual frustrations and talked me into buying one.  It seemed a fun idea at the time but when I got home with my ‘loot’, I felt furtive.  It didn’t seem quite right brandishing a dildo when I had the live variety at home!

“Tunde wanted to know all about the evening and I told him the bits I could – keeping my prized possession a secret.  A few days later, it was his turn to have a night out with the ‘boys’ and once the kids were in bed, curiosity got the better of me.  I took out the vibrator.  I’d never used a sex toy before and realized I needed four of these pencil thin batteries.  I remembered there were some in the small torch we kept by the bedside in case of a power cut and took its batteries out.  Back in the bedroom I switched it on.  Then I lay on the bed, heart pounding with excitement, and began to use it.

“I was afraid that the kids would wake up or Tunde would come home unexpectedly early, but the vibrator began to excite me and I simply let myself go.  As it turned out, it was the most powerful orgasm I’d ever experienced.  Afterwards I sprawled on the bed, dazed and deeply satisfied.  By the time Tunde returned, my new ‘companion’ was tucked in the secret place I kept it.  I was in my nightie reading a magazine.  When Tunde asked if I was okay, I nodded in reply, afraid he could see the lust in my face!  Since then, I’ve used the vibrator as often as I can.  I have climaxed to the sound of the bath running whenever I don’t want anyone to hear the hum of the vibrator.  Whenever I indulged myself, I always drop off to sleep quickly as it always leaves me relaxed.

“I’ve toyed with the idea of using my new friend as part of our love-making, but I don’t think I’ll be able to relax enough.  Even if I do try, will my husband be able to perform better!  It seems much easier and more firm to keep my secret source of happiness to myself.  I’ve had the vibrator close to seven months now, and the more I use it, the less I want to have sex with my husband.  Lovemaking takes energy, time and with children in the house, a lot of planning.

“Using my new found friend is quick furtive, intense and completely satisfying though selfish!  I don’t have to worry about anyone else.  These days, Tunde doesn’t seem worried that we rarely have sex.  I shamelessly admit to looking forward to my private time with my trusted friend.  I’m so hooked I don’t want to give up its amazing buzz…

“I’ve sounded a few friends opinion on sex toys and was mildly surprised at how widely used they are.  Quite a number agreed they were the sanest alternative to unprotected sex that might lead to STDs or even AIDS!  What’s more, you don’t have to cook fancy dinners or wear provocative negligee to tempt your partner.  All you need do is take matters into your own hands – literally.”


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