Absence doesn’t necessarily make the heart grow fonder

Dear Bunmi,

I’m divorced with grown-up children and have a decent job. Two months ago, I received a text message from a work colleague saying how he felt about me and some of the things he told me were really flattering. For once in my life I felt really special. In all the years we were married, my husband never spoke to me that way.

I’ve always liked this man but never thought he’d fancy someone like me.

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We’ve seen each other a few times since. The only problem is, he’s married. My head is saying that having an affair is wrong but my heart is saying the opposite. I just can’t get him out of my mind.

Anifat, by e-mail.

Dear Anifat,

The attention of a man who you believe was unavailable to you could be very flattering, and he’s very eager to massage your ego with honeyed words. He’s obviously pressing the right buttons, but what’s his plan?  He may have strong feelings for you but it’s obvious he wants to sleep with you as often as he can. Yet where do you envisage things will go from there?

Becoming a married man’s bit on the side or consenting to some kind of romantic experiment with him in which he tests his love for his wife is an unacceptable proposition. You need  a man who is able to offer you love and commitment that any woman deserves. Do not compromise.

Having a secret affair with another woman’s husband will bring you nothing but humiliation. Tell him, ‘thanks but no thanks.’ Make a decision to find a man who’s single and a suitable match – there are so many honest, decent handsome men out there who would give you the love you need.

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