Hi,

I love it when friends and readers respond to topics discussed here and then it leads to another. After reading Lande and Kemi’s story published penultimate weekend, I had the opportunity to discuss with friends who wanted to share their opinion as well as talk about unwholesome personal experiences with in-laws generally and bothers-in-law specifically. Many were of the view that Lande and Kemi’s relationship was much better than if it were Moyin’s husband that was involved with Lande. Some opined that their families ought to have allowed the love relationship to take its natural course as it was most likely destined not to work. That way, both would have no regrets, nor doubts in their minds.

The fact that Moyin’s marriage to Kemi’s brother eventually hit the rock, even without the help of Kemi and Lande is a testimony that what would be, would be, no matter what. However, there were also those who agreed that the relationship was unhealthy and that separating the two was the best deal for the families. What’s your take? You still have a chance to share it with me and other readers here. My contact is above. However, let me share these two stories about randy brothers-in-law as narrated by the victims for your relaxation this election weekend. Please stay safe as you go about your civic responsibility. May the Lord heal our land of every problem. Cheers.

Tina, (42), says her brother-in-law’s infidelity drove her sister to Christianity.

It did not happen to me as a young girl, but as an adult, widowed with two children. You may find this difficult to believe just as I did too when it happened. I was expecting my second child when I lost my husband after barely two years of marriage. I was shattered, utterly devastated and barely managed to carry the pregnancy through. A series of events that followed the incident forced me to move out of our matrimonial home, which also happened to be my parents-in-law’s home. My husband being the only male child of his parents had been given an apartment in their big compound which we lived in until his death. One would have thought that they would be nice and doting on me and their grandchildren who incidentally would be the only ones to bear their name anyway, but the reverse was the case. It was as if they wished that I had died instead of their son. Yetunde, that is a story for another time. I barely managed to remain with them for the one year that they insisted that I must mourn their son. Since I did not want to return to my parents’ house, (Ibadan) and I was not emotionally fit enough to stay on my own, I moved in with my elder sister and her husband, on their request. They lived in a four bedroom duplex with their children.

https://newlive.vanguardngr.com/2019/02/saving-the-nigerian-girl-child/

My sister’s husband has a reputation with women. In fact, his wife knows him too well and his affairs has caused a few upsets in their marriage such that she had tried to sue for divorce once. However, I could never have guessed that Brother BJ’s (not real name) roving eyes could turn to me.    One afternoon, I laid on the sofa in the living room to take a nap while waiting for the driver to bring the children from school. My sister had gone to see to her business and I was unemployed at the time, having resigned from my job after my husband’s death. I was at the verge of setting up my own business too. So, I began dreaming that someone was caressing me. At first, it did not seem real but when it became more intense, I tried to turn, and met an obstruction and quickly opened my eyes. I was shocked to see my sister’s husband with a big bulge in his trousers, bending over me. This is a man I’d known for over 10 years at the time. He was supposed to be like a big brother to me as I was the only other girl in my family besides his wife.

I asked him what he thought he was doing and all he could say was that he was sorry. He said he thought that I should have been missing my husband and would not mind a little action. He figured since he was available there was no need for me to go scouting for a man, more so, I could catch my fun without anyone knowing I was having sex. I asked him if I had complained to him and even if I had, must he be the one to give it to me? I could not hold back my anger and I really gave it to him. I used the opportunity to counsel him on his escapades with women, especially their housemaids, a behaviour which had by then become public even in the neighbourhood. One of their maids had been forced to cry out to the neighbour’s attention when he wouldn’t stop harassing her. Though he did apologise, I did not see any sign of remorse on his face, just anger and resentment that he’d been turned down. However, I knew it was time for me to move out. I had been there exactly two months and 22 days. I started making frantic efforts at getting my own place which I did after another two months. I doubt if the man will ever change. He is close to 60 years old and still has ‘street’ written all over him. Anything in skirt would do so long as he gets his relief. I doubt if he has not done it with one of his sisters before. I only told my sister about it after I had moved out of their house. She was not really surprised as the idea of him doing such a thing had also crossed her mind too. But since I did not report him, she had erroneously concluded that there was still some decency left in him after all. She only apologised again on his behalf and begged that we both forget about it. That my sister is now a born again Christian is all because of him. 70 percent of her prayers are about him and his philandering.

Beth, (32) says though she was very young at the time, she was able to resist her brother-in-law turned predator.

My cousin’s husband used to be a real pain in the neck and it was not hidden to most family members. I used to wonder why his wife wouldn’t just walk out of the marriage since she could sustain herself without him. But I think she wanted to continue being Mrs at all cost, when it was obvious that the husband was not committed in any way. Eventually, the family had to ban female members from visiting their home unaccompanied. His case was that bad.

Brother Jaiye began making passes at me when I was 16. By law, I think he qualified as a pedophile because all the girls he molested then were in their teens. I had a holiday job somewhere in Surulere and next door to one of his friend’s house. So, he would stop by to see me anytime he was there. He would give me rides home because our house was just two bus stops from theirs. Sometimes, I followed him to their house to see my cousin and their little daughter before going home. One day, he dropped by at my office to say that my cousin was expecting me at their house. I did not suspect anything until we arrived there and discovered that she had gone out with their baby and maid. He insisted I should wait for them, gave me a bottle of soft drink and slotted a video. Then, he brought out an album and came to sit next to me on the sofa. As he was explaining the pictures to me, he began caressing my shoulders. I did not say anything as I was not sure if what I was thinking was what was unfolding. Suddenly he turned to kiss me full on the mouth and I pushed him away. I was really rough with him, threatening to report to his wife.    He apologised and I agreed to allow it pass but I did not wait for his wife again.

From then on, he would never waste an opportunity to steal a quick kiss or squeeze. When I could not take it anymore, I had to confide in some of my cousins of about the same age. I was shocked at the feedback I got. One of them revealed that he had also been molesting her. She told similar stories of how he’d gone about lying and taking her to their house. We therefore decided to inform some elderly women in the family.    We had assumed that the women would help us talk to our older cousin about her husband’s antics and that would make him ashamed and stop. But we were wrong. The women said it was a matter that required great caution as my cousin’s mother would never accept the stories. They were sure she would support her son-in-law and accuse us of trying to ruin her daughter’s marriage. She could even say that we were the ones trying to lure her son-in-law into a relationship. So we were advised to keep away from them at all cost. The silence sort of emboldened him the more but besides the occasional pinching and grappling in the dark, he never got a chance with anyone. It only made him look stupid.

However, you know that God works in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform. And so it happened that the youngest girl of the family, who automatically is my younger cousin was asked to go and live with them to rewrite her school certificate examinations.  Before long, we began to hear one story after another from those the poor girl was confiding in. How Brother Jaiye would walk into the bathroom unannounced while she was using it. How their two bedroom flat had only one bathroom and it had no locks and so was always partially open and which worked to his advantage.    How he was always hugging, holding or kissing her even in his wife’s presence. And even though she complained, his wife insisted they were innocent gestures of affection. And so the poor girl endured until the crime was committed and the whole family discovered what was being covered. Everyone thought it was the best thing that could happen since all involved came from one family and their mother could not blame anyone for their problems.

In the aftermath, my older cousin relocated to London with their only child and the marriage ended technically. And though Brother Jaiye made several attempts    to reconcile with the family, he was not successful. His wife never returned and that was the end. No one in our extended family ever talks about it anymore. Most of the younger generation would never know that we once had a paedophile in the family. Yet, he could have been stopped before he went over the bars.

Do have a wonderful weekend !!