Dear Bunmi,

I’M in my early 20s and I split up with my boyfriend a few months ago after a year together because he didn’t want a steady relationship. He said he loved me and would always be there for me, but he broke my heart.

We still make love and last month he said he wanted us to get back together. But when I sent him a text the next day, he said he had a girlfriend and had changed his mind.

His mum says he cares for me but needs to sort out his head. I’ve got a new boyfriend now and I’ve told my ex I have no feelings for him – but deep down I do still love him. He’s the only one who understands me. What should I do?

https://newlive.vanguardngr.com/2018/12/friends-who-want-a-bit-of-what-youre-having/

Ireti, By e-mail.

Dear Ireti,

If he understands you, you should try to understand him. His mum still freely expresses her opinion of him to his friends, which means he hasn’t been away from home for long and isn’t much older than you.

He’s not ready to tie himself down to one partner, no matter how much he cares for her.

There’s a world of achievement and freedom out there that women currently enjoy – you must explore it and test your strength in it before you choose your direction and settle down.

Perhaps you will rediscover each other —at least as friends — but for now, stop seeing your not-quite-ex, especially if it leaves you in turmoil whenever you do.

Remember that as long as you still make love with a man, he’s not an ‘ex’ but someone you have to get over again and again when he leaves.